Good Bye friends!
Posted 07-06-2012 at 08:17 AM by hankaung121
I am 19 years old, and this is going to be my last blog for a very long time. Life for me was easy when I was younger. I had good friends, good school, my ever supporting family and the love of my life.
This year I lost her, I was in a state of depression and my life has been going down hill ever since I started my college year. My college work was also horrible. I didn't socialize in anyway at all. I was alone, isolated. You can say I was spoiled or too lazy to do any work. Infini, LostEnt, Supersheep, Bonger, udm, AGR and other DotA players were the only friends I had through out this year. I am forever grateful for them since I'll most likely just give up on life without them and their 24/7 humor. I simply had a great time.
However, losing the love of my life is my wake up call. I can no longer be wasting my time playing games or reading forums and do nothing else everyday. I need to change. From this very day, I deleted every games I had. Even though they gave me great joy and excitement, they will not help me in the long run or my future. Therefore, I am going to focus on my education for the time being and nothing else. I want to prove to her that I am a responsible person and that I can change. I don't want to give up on her at all. That is why my friends, I am giving up on all games especially DotA and DotA 2. I love you guys, and I hope you guys have successful lives as well.
This part is for my very close DotA friends.
Infini: I hope you don't give up and re spark the old fire that is once in you. Thank you for all the 1v1s and all the rude unfunny jokes you said to me. Fuck the puns bitch! :P
LostEnt: Thank you for just being well mannered and friendly from the get go. I know (I think) I have disappointed you when I say I hate playing with stacks. I missed playing with you after awhile, and I sincerely regret saying what I said. I hope you can forgive me. Good luck with your life.
Supersheep: Just like LostEnt, you were always friendly and well mannered. I love your attitude and advice you gave. Thanks man. I hope you have successful college years.
Bonger: You fucking troll. I don't know if you are a member of PD. But you were great man, you were funny. But stop smoking bongs every now and then and get some fresh air. :P Good bye to you.
udm: I guess I don't know you very well since you don't play that much, but you are a great DotA player and well mannered and friendly most of the time. :P Thank you!
AGR: "Y U SO SHIT". My favorite quote from my favorite rager. I don't know why you stopped playing, but I missed the times we steamroll everything in our path with LostEnt and others. Thanks!
And all the other DotA players who were friendly and just accept me for who I am.
Good bye to you all. When I get my life to how I want and make my parents proud, I will come back. You can count on that! But for now, I bid you adieu.
This year I lost her, I was in a state of depression and my life has been going down hill ever since I started my college year. My college work was also horrible. I didn't socialize in anyway at all. I was alone, isolated. You can say I was spoiled or too lazy to do any work. Infini, LostEnt, Supersheep, Bonger, udm, AGR and other DotA players were the only friends I had through out this year. I am forever grateful for them since I'll most likely just give up on life without them and their 24/7 humor. I simply had a great time.
However, losing the love of my life is my wake up call. I can no longer be wasting my time playing games or reading forums and do nothing else everyday. I need to change. From this very day, I deleted every games I had. Even though they gave me great joy and excitement, they will not help me in the long run or my future. Therefore, I am going to focus on my education for the time being and nothing else. I want to prove to her that I am a responsible person and that I can change. I don't want to give up on her at all. That is why my friends, I am giving up on all games especially DotA and DotA 2. I love you guys, and I hope you guys have successful lives as well.
This part is for my very close DotA friends.
Infini: I hope you don't give up and re spark the old fire that is once in you. Thank you for all the 1v1s and all the rude unfunny jokes you said to me. Fuck the puns bitch! :P
LostEnt: Thank you for just being well mannered and friendly from the get go. I know (I think) I have disappointed you when I say I hate playing with stacks. I missed playing with you after awhile, and I sincerely regret saying what I said. I hope you can forgive me. Good luck with your life.
Supersheep: Just like LostEnt, you were always friendly and well mannered. I love your attitude and advice you gave. Thanks man. I hope you have successful college years.
Bonger: You fucking troll. I don't know if you are a member of PD. But you were great man, you were funny. But stop smoking bongs every now and then and get some fresh air. :P Good bye to you.
udm: I guess I don't know you very well since you don't play that much, but you are a great DotA player and well mannered and friendly most of the time. :P Thank you!
AGR: "Y U SO SHIT". My favorite quote from my favorite rager. I don't know why you stopped playing, but I missed the times we steamroll everything in our path with LostEnt and others. Thanks!
And all the other DotA players who were friendly and just accept me for who I am.
Good bye to you all. When I get my life to how I want and make my parents proud, I will come back. You can count on that! But for now, I bid you adieu.
Total Comments 5
Comments
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Steelvan,
Do not worry about saying that at all. You're my friend and having you on my team was always a great time. Remember, I feed.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck with whatever you do. Do your best at it and never let anyone bring you down. Even without DotA, we've still got your back.
"Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom."
-George S. Patton
Be good, man.
-LostENTPosted 07-06-2012 at 07:49 PM by LostENT 
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quit being a bitch and get back on the horse.
THE BAD HORSE. protip.Posted 07-06-2012 at 09:04 PM by Alwaysgetbanned
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One doesn't simply quit
Or: A Short Treatise On Responsibility
(Disclaimer: Writing is inherently an activity one does for others. This writer happens to hate writing and he would really not forgive any intended recipient of his writing that doesn't read it through properly. Read through all of what's below and slowly and with a cool head. The writer was responsible in his writing and put sincere and diligent effort. He understands that his writing is flawed for he writes very little and avoids it mostly. He also understands that his intended recipient isn't exactly fond of the language the writing is in. He thus suggests extensive usage of two wonderful resources: Google and Wikipedia. If you should ever come across a new word, phrase or anything of the sort, Google and Wiki it.)
You are 19 years old. And you have just lost the love of your life. You feel as though you absolutely must grow up. It's "Now or Never." You ought to be more responsible and you know that you can't manage that if you don't give up on addictions that are otherwise occupying your time and more importantly, your soul. But that's good news because that means you can be more responsible if you just give up those addictions.
But there are more things involved than just force of habit. You have created relationships you value that you would be giving up on if you quit your addiction. Uncomfortable with the thought, you try reconciling your addiction with your vision of a proper and responsible life yet again. And yet again you end up losing to the addiction. It's very apparent that you simply can't become a responsible person if you don't give up on these silly things that you are only doing because you are a spoiled brat who has yet to grow up. Thus you must quit.
However, you would feel horrible if you just went cold turkey without so much as a farewell. That's simply too cruel. It wasn't their fault, after all, that you are an irresponsible brat who was spending all too much time doing something he wasn't supposed to do and finding all the justifications to continue. They were the reason but they aren't the ones responsible. And be it as it may, they kept you alive where nothing else would have. You must thank them and you really do feel that way from the core of your very soul.
And so, you write an emotional piece bidding farewell to all the people you wish to thank for having kept you company in your ridiculous exercise in irresponsibility. You don't exactly know what made you write all that and it is without a doubt kind of amazing that you wrote something that long. You have some ideas how people might react and yet you have no clue how exactly they will. You have half a mind to just delete everything you typed and just go away. After all, people move in and out of people's lives all too often. Nobody would really care after a while. But you publish it anyway.
Somehow, you found it in yourself to bid people farewell and to let enough of them know to make anybody who cared come read what you had to say. Regardless of how people usually are, farewells are almost always sentimental and almost always, everybody who replies wishes you good luck. You are content knowing that your friends liked you and will miss you. You know that it's simply not possible for them to remember you forever - Life isn't exactly that peachy - but they wish good things onto you and you are somehow relieved.
Now if only that's how it went with all of them. Fortunately or unfortunately, you happen to have an obnoxiously upfront friend who loves playing the devil's advocate. One way or another, you had come to like the guy and it is kind of remarkable how similar the guy's dealings with the addiction that you have in common with the guy have been to your own. If you were to believe everything he said about himself, and he doesn't really talk much about himself that's actually true or useful, and is an unreliable narrator of the worst kind at that, anyway.
Regardless, this friend of yours happens to disagree with your choice on this matter. He thinks you are making a mistake or at least not making the optimal choice. He honestly feels that you are just running headstrong without putting much thought behind your actions. Or perhaps that you are yet too naive and too easy to influence as such. He is going to write what exactly is wrong with your reasoning here and you should pay heed. Since you were so intent on implying that your choices are to lead you into becoming a responsible person, the crux of the content will be a discussion on responsibility.
Responsibility, a portmanteau of Response and Ability, refers to the ability of human beings to hold and be held accountable. It also refers to the context on which the accountability applies. Silly dictionary definitions aside, it simply means making correct choices in life as best as possible. What is correct can and will change based on lots of things, indeed too many things to list, but responsibility itself is the ability to make an educated guess at what is correct and go with it where possible. And the ability to respond to any consequences of any such choices made.
What this means, then, is that responsibility is a paradigm and not a state. One doesn't become a responsible person by avoiding certain states and pursuing others. Instead, responsibility implies that the user will approach the situation with dignity and sincerity. To many things, but most importantly, to himself. It doesn't matter what one does, it is possible to be responsible in the sense of making correct and dignified choices with the goal of bringing about positive resolutions.
This, then, is the first reason why your friend isn't happy with you over this. Playing DotA isn't an inherently irresponsible activity! It is very possible for a responsible person to play DotA! In fact your friend is adamant that any respectable DotA player be a responsible person! When you say you are quitting DotA and Dota 2 in order to become a responsible person, you are simply deluding yourself! You even imply that DotA is merely an addiction, a lesser activity, "a waste of time". It can indeed degenerate to that but it's not how it inherently is. Anything in the world can degenerate to that if you let yourself be irresponsible. The wiser course of action is to learn to play responsibly instead! Take responsibility and lead instead of running away. That's how responsibility works.
But that isn't all there is to it. You say you want to prove to your lost love that you can be responsible. What a joke. You never have to prove anything to anybody other than yourself. That's the doctrine of responsibility. A responsible person does the right things not to prove himself to somebody else but to only himself. You are a responsible person when you choose the right things out of your own volition. Responsibility implies doing things that you want to do in a healthy and constructive manner. It doesn't imply doing x or y to impress z.
You also say right after that that you can no longer be spending all your time playing games, reading forums and doing nothing else etc. Stop and think about this. The problem here isn't that you are playing games, that you are reading forums etc. The problem is that you are spending all your time doing those few things and more importantly, that you do nothing else. In other words, the activities aren't the problem. The approach is.
If you really want to be a responsible person, learn to do these activities, activities that you clearly love, in a responsible and constructive manner. Don't call them waste of time or useless because they aren't that way. You only look down on yourself when you call what you love useless. Being responsible means coming in terms with yourself. You love what you love and you shouldn't give up on them. You should instead be constructive and responsible and lead things to a better resolution.
Think about it. Do you really think giving up on one love over a different kind of lost love is going to lead you to responsibility? You must realize that that is not how it works. Responsibility is a conscious choice. It's a song that plays to the tune of what you love. If you have to change what you love to fit the tune, it's no longer responsibility. That's simply being too weak to responsibly partake in your love and giving in to influences.
Your friend isn't going to tell you to come back to DotA. He understands that sometimes time away from the game is mandatory for a player's relationship with the game to remain healthy. But he wishes to warn you that being too strict on yourself is only going to harm you. Love doesn't die when you go away, it only increases until it turns into an unhealthy obsession.
There was once a boy who loved a certain video game called Defense of the Ancients. Born in South Asia, he had had it easy for most of his life. He had good friends, good school, an ever supporting family and the love of his life. Granted his love was perhaps different from the type of love most people have but he had a genuine love of utmost quality. What that love was, he has never really known himself. But it was there and that's all that matters for this story to be relevant.
He had changed his settings and visited foreign lands in order to further fuel his education or so he said. He definitely had ulterior motives in being able to further expose himself to his new-found addiction - DotA. For most of his life, he had been confined to playing with bots or with people that didn't really care for the game. That's why he was very excited at the prospect of being able to play with people who actually loved the game and who knew how to make use of more resources.
Imagine his horror at the wake of the realization that the people that were supposed to be much better than the people he was already associating with it weren't actually all that better. Not only that but they were far less innovative and far more prone to give in to carnal tendencies than to treat his beloved game as the premier entertainment choice of smart and civilized people that he had perceived it as. Over time, the boy slowly turned cynical and became irresponsible himself.
It was the 19th year of his life. And his life was in shambles. He had no real associates in real life that understood him. He spent all his time playing games for a while but then moved onto browsing forums and then onto doing nothing at all. And he stayed that way for the longest time. He perhaps would have forgotten to breath were it not for the people he met through the game that somehow amused him one way or the other.
He decided several times that it was urgent that he grow up already. That he learn to be a responsible person already. That he give up on these shitty activities already. That he moved away from this time consuming addiction already. So on and so forth. Such and such thoughts pervaded his head. And he could indeed not quit without thanking his friends. And so he wrote to them before he quit. Several times. And yet he never did manage to quit. It wasn't because his resolve was weak. It was because quitting isn't the solution and he knew it.
Responsibility is a portmanteau of "response" and "ability". It is the ability of humans to respond. In other words, responsibility is how you respond to things. You can respond to your lost love as a wake up call and grow up to be a responsible person and to make parents proud. There is nothing at all wrong with that. But you are being too hard on yourself when you think you are an irresponsible person due to such and such behavior you display.
No, that is not how it is. That's what your friend wishes to tell you. In his mind, you are already a responsible person. You already make very good, even exemplary by some standards, choices. Yes you definitely need to learn to be more responsible as to how you manage your time but you aren't an irresponsible brat. And you should definitely not quit a game you love to become responsible.
He suggests that you prove it to yourself and to him and to all the people out there that you can indeed be responsible. And that you can choose to be so yourself. And that you can do it without giving up on even more things that you once held important to yourself. You can focus on your education and excel at DotA simultaneously! There is absolutely no reason you can't.
Playing DotA responsibly is very possible and your friend understands, even if he doesn't act accordingly, that it is in fact meant to be played responsibly. It is a game that is the most fun when you play it responsibly. That means you play it as an amusing entertainment. You play it when you are mostly free of other responsibilities. You play your best when you play it free of all the other responsibilities, i.e., dead weights, weighing you down.
And so, your friend wants you to make a statement that you will truly be responsible. That you will take some time off the game to cool yourself, sure, but that you will come back before long (a month is more than enough break in his opinion) stronger than ever. That you will teach yourself proper and responsible time management. That you will be responsible for everything. It is your ability to respond. Respond to your friends who wish to see you succeed in life but also wish to spend time with you doing what you and them both love.
He had always been a good boy that loved next to everything, even weird things. Some of those things were proclaimed as "bad" by "people". He never understood why they called those bad. But he subconsciously took it for granted that they were correct. And loved as he did, he couldn't help but think of some of what he loved as bad. He couldn't help but think that in order to be more responsible, he had to give the bad things up. He couldn't really be expected to see that the problem isn't that there are problems in his life due to the bad things he loved but rather that he sees them as bad things and uses his love for bad things to justify his bad choices.
What that poor kid needs to learn is the true significance of the word responsibility. It isn't the bad things he loves doing that are responsible for his woes. It is he himself. It is completely up to him to argue and defend that which he loves as good. Because people call anything they don't really understand bad. That's how it should be too. Don't blame people because that's just how it should be. Things would consume too much energy otherwise. Only a responsible person who nonetheless spends time and effort into proving his love that people don't seem to understand as valid and good is a truly responsible person.
Before this gets too long, your friend wishes to wish you luck after all in whatever you choose. He just wanted to let you know that he himself had gone down the same path at the exact same age and in alarmingly similar circumstances. There were differences of course, he had extensive knowledge on how the world runs and such for instance and had somehow lost all love he once held before he decided he had to grow up already. But he went down much the same road, only 2 years in advance. And all that despite knowing many of the secrets to the world.
He doesn't wish to imply that you would make the same ugly choices he has made in the 2 years head-start he had on you. Rather, he believes that his experiences can help you be responsible and choose the right way that will truly make you happy. He says it's not DotA that you need to give up on in order to become responsible. Nay, not at all.
Instead, you should give up on thinking of yourself as a spoiled child who hasn't grown up. Because you are responsible when you choose to be. It is your inherent ability. You choose to be responsible. It's a paradigm. A philosophy. Not a state. You don't grow into a responsible person. You are already responsible whether you like it or not! The goal is to be constructively responsible. And that can and should be done without giving up on one's guilty pleasures. Especially one so global and profound as DotA.
Why don't you take responsibility for your own life and visit the lan centers in your country? Try and associate with people with similar hobbies in your own country? Why don't you do what you can to help them get started on playing responsibly? Responsibility is much like knowledge, you gain more the more you share. So share your responsibility to become a responsible man that plays DotA responsibly and takes a responsible approach to his education and life with other people.
Your friend is very good at talking but very bad at doing. He wasn't always this way and oft times, he does find himself reminiscing of the wonder days of yonder past. This or that triggers such nostalgia and makes him wish he were more responsible himself and such. And since one such trigger was your post and since he has indeed put too much of his mouth online, he is all but willing to put his money where his mouth is, so to speak.
In other words, he is saying he will do the exact same thing he suggested. He will learn to play this game responsibly and to be responsible about his education and his life and all that. He wishes to share the responsibilities with you. He once told you that he likes you and that he doesn't give up on kids that he really likes. Friendship is all that's left that he feels really responsible towards, after all. He is saying he wants to play a team game with you. In and out of DotA.
Life is a team game too and he wishes to play it together with you and many others of your wonderful friends. DotA brought you together but it shan't be all that which keeps you together. And all that with all due responsibility. It is indeed an uneasy undertaking. For he does hate taking responsibility for things. But its about time he learned to be responsible. And he will.
But he wants you, his friend, to be responsible as well. He wants you to be responsible and work on your education, your family and all that jazz. But he also wants you to responsibly work on fulfilling the common dreams of wonderful DotA that some delusional South Asian kids seem to get for no apparent reason. It was indeed misguided and these foreign lands aren't exactly fertile grounds to sow the seeds that make dreams come true. But even so, let's do it, he says. You can do it together. He truly thinks so. And he knows he can do it much better with you. So you had better not give up on him.
That will be all from your friend who calls himself Infi.
P.S:
Your friend had intended to point you to some resources that other people who have had addiction issues etc. but forgot about it. This writing took too long
Anyway, there is a group here on PD that deals with this topic. Granted your friend doesn't agree with some things in there and that he definitely doesn't think quitting is ever the solution and all that but he wishes to link you to it nonetheless.
http://www.playdota.com/forums/group.php?groupid=702
Furthermore, your friend had originally intended to go in depth on why the world runs the way it does and all that sweet music and to initiate you onto the philosophy of the and rather than the or but forgot to put it in the main text body as well. He wishes to talk of it very briefly nonetheless.
The idea is simple. Mostly people tend to put things in black and white. The approach is an "or" approach. This "or" that. You are either a responsible person who studies and makes his parents happy or you are a spoiled delusional brat who plays DotA rather than be responsible.. Something like that.
However, this is a very limited approach and one that creates problems where there should be none. The right approach is the "and" approach instead. That means that you study responsibly, make your parents happy and play DotA to keep yourself happy so that you can do the rest of things properly. A person who only gives and doesn't receive is gonna go empty whether he likes it or not. It is also your responsibility as your parent's child to make them understand what you love and why. Even if that love is DotA.
The "And" approach is at the heart of being a responsible person. You don't deny things, you accept them as valid and situational. The "And" approach doesn't deny the or approach. It includes that instead. When useful and necessary, you use even the "or" approach because "and" includes "or". But you must always keep it in mind that it's "and" that's universal and not "or".
Certainly x hero is popular and seemingly stronger and it's either this x or y who plays the same role but is seemingly weaker and harder to play and not that popular. Now a captain who thinks x or y is going to always be more limited than a captain who thinks x and y. You know the deal. Smart people like yourself only need be given a compass, you can walk the path yourself. This friend of yours trusts you on that and wishes you godspeed.
As a final thing, he wishes to point you to his blog lol. Oh and make this comment public, if you will, please.Posted 07-06-2012 at 11:11 PM by 4saken.Infinity
Updated 07-09-2012 at 07:00 PM by 4saken.Infinity -
:(
Posted 07-07-2012 at 02:45 PM by Louie.
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I'll miss you.
Oh wait you wrote this 6 months ago.Posted 01-26-2013 at 03:17 PM by ClinkzEastwoodz
