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Single, tough, peaceful and mind needling.

I've never been much of a single person. But now it seems like things are changing. The chick I loved left me, she said she loved me too much. She wanted to be herself, little did she know, that she was not herself enough to be with me...

It's the tragic story of young people that never seems to get old. Every time I hear old people talk about not finding the perfect or even dealing with their cheating bastards of a husband or wife, I think of how spoiled we are as young. We take those we love for granted and only the wisest of the young will see this in time.

The dumb will never realize it, but none the less live it as they get kids in an early age and probably stick through it, because they never expected life to be perfect.

I wonder, what comes next. I miss her, I want to talk to her about everything. Hold her and give her everything I know. See everything together and this is where it stops. Because there is no "us" in her world. She is young and looking for "I". It hurts but luckily in a good way, for someone with an old soul like mine.

I expected more of life but now it seems that I have to give it more of me. And I accept the terms of condition.

I know I told my last girlfriend that I was not going to wait for her, but man, it was sweet. I love her. I genuinely love her. Even when I hadn't talk with her for a month, I loved her. It felt like true love that I once read about. The kind of love, where you expect nothing. And nothing was what I got and it was alright.

After she told me she wanted to split, I felt strange. Later that week I kissed some and it felt strange. The only thing, I could think of, was how much I just wanted her.

I've fought, but the complex nature of my sentences might have entangled its meaning and focus was lost.

I just wish the best of the future.

Best regards,

Audacious.

It seems people fade out left and right. People are dying without concern. Can you imagine how it would feel to have the grip of life. Not just a part but it!

I turn my head towards everyone, with a smile or a blessed face of curious questions, to you and your life.

If this is true, then I've been out.

and now I am fading in.

Life is ever changing but can I follow up?

It might seem as if life stand still when you finish college but in fact my life has been changing quite a lot.

broke up with my girlfriend(the little sister), got in shape, got a job and got a life changing idea.

But what does all of this really mean?

Am I going out as skin and bones with the feeling of loneliness or am I going to keep the 3 last up and show the world slightly more skin?

The shadows of my past feel mostly like low hanging, ash, dust, clouds as I am in the light looking back. Smiling.

We are back where we started but with another part of the puzzle. It comforts me to see this.

Life is awesome.

As I look ahead the sunrise warmth my face and I try to embrace it with all my grace.

Life is good, my girlfriend is sweet, I got a job and the snow outside is white without ever being to cold for me to enjoy.

Though darkness that still covers parts of my scourged past, which drifts away and the Earth turns. It makes me wonder - What will it make me.

I have my theories as always and the dark confusion I had and that I to some extension still carries around with, will make me stronger and wiser than ever. As the cold shadows lingers into the background with the rest of the planet covered in darkness, my newly recovered shining army of love and humbleness will bring me forward.

I am gun blazing as I keep my guard up but also my chin. I am not giving up on this life.

Life has its downs and I will never forget what has past me.

Lets see where I end.

I'd been with my newly re-required girlfriend for around two weeks when things started not feeling right. I feelt sick about giving my girlfriend hopes of something that wasn't going to work out for the rest of our lives. And I don't have time to waste.
It just wasn't right. And when things doesn't make 100% sense, the smartest move is to go 1 step backwards.

I've talked with a lot of my close friends about it and everyone said that it didn't seems as I was in it for the right reasons. Her charisma about not demanding and laying her problems behind her far too quickly is also a concern of mine. She is the typical cute girl who does everything to make everyone happy.

Which isn't enough, I need someone can demand something of me and argue with me. I am not trying to change her but I am trying to show her that she can demand more from life and especially of me.

So I am single now and it felt great when I said it the first time. And it still feels like the right choice.

As my best girl friend said:

“It is going to get though.”

Questions about doing the right thing is already making my stomach feel different. To insure myself that it was the right thing to do, I told my x that I always wanted to talk with her or meet up. For me personally this meant that I could keep insuring myself of her instability.

So we had a date which was first not going to happen, but suddenly she changed her mind and came by. We were together and it felt right for a short time.

We made another date which I canceled and said it wasn't what I wanted.

All she did was after that was crying - not arguing. She wasn't demanding anything from me and when I asked her about it she said:

"You have made up your mind."

Which I had but only until new great arguments occur. But she wont come with any and I will therefore have to keep up my champaign to stay a distance from her.

She is in denieal which is a shame and people can't be helped before they want to. It might take years before she gets over herself and see that this is the right thing to do. And I will help her when the time comes, until then I will have to bite my sorrow in me and keep on moving forward.

I am going for the alpha little sister.