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Old 10-30-2010, 05:04 AM   #1
Melderv
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Default Operation: Rattletrap


I have a synopsis ready for this short story on the second post. You can read it if you like.



PROLOGUE

I began remembering when the memory chip was installed. If this was how a living being remembered, I would never know. That knowledge was never installed in my being: I am a non-living being.

The memory chip was tiny. Not only physically. Its capacity was short-lived, and so I sent the information to my hard drive immediately after it was full. I would write it down, but I had no grasping mechanisms. Humans, they called them hands.

I would erase this information from my memory chip in exactly six hours. I needed to get more if I wanted to store more information. My hard drive allowed ten maximum memory deposits. Including the one contained in my memory chip at the time, it would be eleven deposits.

I was not created in order to store information. No. Reviewing my programming, I was created for another purpose. It held no meaning to me. I was created to protect a certain human, a scientist. That was my primary goal. Humans called them fathers. I would have termed him as such, but I could not. To my memory, he was only HUMAN1.

Primary Objective: Preserve the vital signs of HUMAN1 at all costs. Eliminate all perceived threats to HUMAN1. Self-destruct upon failure.
Secondary Objective: None.

That was my purpose. Two sentences. I could understand them, acknowledge them. Installed in my hard drive was a basic language system called ENG1 connected with artificial intelligence simply called AI. I understood that nothing about me was natural. Nothing at all.

The artificial intelligence system was as large as ENG1. ENG1 was that diverse. Any words it had left out could be programmed on it via another code called EXP. EXP used my RAM to maintain AI's functionality. EXP updated ENG1 all the time. It recognized the human voice for what it was. Especially HUMAN1's voice. I had never known his true name.

New information was coming. It would be permanent. I would find out about it soon. My visual system had not yet been optimized, so my HUD displayed nothing. Not a black screen, I knew what black was. It just displayed nothing. AI termed it as KENOSES. How I hated KENOSES. ENG1 translated it as emptiness.

I could detect scents with my olfactory system. I could "smell" two humans. AI used this "sense" accurately when my HUD was empty. Living things sent out distinct markings through smell. I was programmed to use this sense for over miles away, like a bloodhound. But since scents are everywhere, AI would determine which was important. Again, it would be linked to ENG1 so I could identify them. And there was a lot to identify.

AI determined my pure understanding of the world. It is man-made. So it must be man's understanding, and not mine. What is my understanding? I would never know.

"You're sure about that, son?" HUMAN1 inquired. My auditory system was now functioning. I could understand the words. No, the better word, according to ENG1, was process. I could process the sound signatures, the vocal progressions, and send them to AI for organizing. It would allow vocal commands to be used. A manipulation of this system would be conceived as a threat.

Secondary Objective updated.

Secondary Objective #1: Preserve AI and ENG1 at all costs. Self-destruct upon modification.

A new understanding. What would self-destruct mean? Would it mean I would no longer exist? Have I started existing yet at all?

"Yes, father, I'm sure!" the other human replied. I did not recognize the voice, perhaps it was insignificant. I could only recognize HUMAN1. I term this human as HUMAN2, adding the information to ENG1 on the fly.

Is HUMAN2 a threat? Should I eliminate him? No. AI denied the inquiry. It perceived threats rather accurately. The information that was being sent to my hard drive was not yet completed. It was being etched rather deeply into my system. What could it be?

My HUD was turned on. I could see HUMAN1 in a laboratory coat, drenched in oil and other machinery liquids. His brown eyes flickered from the yellowish lighting above me. His mustache was black, previously brown, from all the oil he was manipulating. He was holding a wrench, labeled ROSHAN with steel letters, the "S" chipping off, and making modifications to my external skeleton. A container of grease lay tipped to its sides on the wooden table, creaking under the weight of scattered tools.

I was contained in an unstable-looking chamber that looked as if it could not support my weight. Around me were more tools and various devices hanging on a wall. Some hanged by the rusting nails. A closer look revealed that the nails were replacements for new screws initially used, which I can now see on my framework. Some were used, and so they littered the tables and the floor, covered with more grease.

It was a laboratory. A garage, in the worst of terms. Nobody else was here except the two humans. I was being held against one side of the wall, with a back door across the room. A window showed that it was nighttime, with barely any rays from the moon. Stars fought to shine through the scruffy, gray clouds that looked like they hadn't let out a single drop of rain in years.

"There we go, now I'll have your motor skills functioning in a jiffy."

Paralysis. That was how ENG1 termed it. I was incapacitated. I could see, hear, and smell, but not move. It did not instill panic, I am not familiar with the programming. AI just looked for a solution, and when it could not find any, it would cease to run. Right now, the solution was to wait T, wherein T was an amount of time in seconds. If mobility was not restored in T, AI would look for another solution.

Simple, crude, human programming. There would be numerous, complex programmings in two languages. They cross-referenced each other in complicated manners, that resulted from a natural language input. This is how I can understand.

T was defined as 60. HUMAN1 was efficient, and has restored mobility in simply 10 = T. The function was called to stop immediately, and I was at a loss of what to do next.

"Can he move, Dad? Can he move?" a smaller human that I had termed HUMAN2 was speaking. He was considerably a younger version of HUMAN1. They were probably related by blood. My blood? It was composed of oil, and it had no genetic markings whatsoever. AI had defined that for me.

HUMAN2 had the same brown eyes, but they didn't flicker. They went up in flames of awe. They were fixed to me as if magnets had attracted them, and as if it would take decades for them to look away. I would never forget those eyes.

"Why, yes, son," HUMAN1 replied. "Alright, raise your WPN1."

WPN1? Yes, my primary weapon. A large wrench, apparently free from grease, attached to a piston which could function as a hook on my left side. I elevated it as ordered, not whipping air, but pushing it away with a small breeze.

Something was brought to my front area. It was a round, green object, with lighter, jagged stripes around it. It was a watermelon. The apparent density and toughness of the object was not yet known. It contained ninety-eight percent water.

"Use WPN1 to initiate CQC. Just a simple test."

To my understanding, that was to activate my primary weapon in order to initiate close-quarters combat. Simple enough, AI assumed. The wrench sliced through the watermelon easily, destroying it, sending reddish chunks of water into the air, covering some grease and separating away from it, in fact.

Through this, HUMAN2's eyes sparkled even more.

"That will be your SOP from now on. Set it, that's all you need." HUMAN1 commanded.

SOP set, AI told me. I'd be repeating that action numerous times when ordered. It was a basic attack.

"I'm shutting you down. Your system should be complete within two hours. You've done well." HUMAN1 turned off my system. Only he was allowed to do so. My energy source was immense. It could run for T = infinity. Such power, I cannot compute it using AI. Even I was not made known of its capabilities, merely its length. It contained an unlisted element, serving as a primary battery of sorts, to be used once and disposed. However, its usage was not apparent at all. Disposal was computed to be extremely far away in time.

***

My system was suddenly switched on without apparent notice. T was close to two hours. Only 300 seconds remaining.

HUMAN1's vitals were declining. My alarms were raised. I had not detected it upon shut down. HUMAN1 appeared to be crawling away from me. An explosion rose from the rear of the laboratory and shook the earth. Brilliant red and yellow flames lit the laboratory clear as if it were noon. Room temperature increased significantly compared to the chilly air outside, enough to condense your breaths for you to see.

"Eliminate... threats." HUMAN1 said weakly. Blood was running from his shoulder, down across his forearm. He was clutching his wound tightly, in pain. Burns were present on his epidermis on his face and part of his mustache was singed. Still, his eyes looked as perfect and more alive than ever. Estimated vital sign functionality: twenty percent, and declining, proving contrary to that fact.

Two beings emerged from the explosion, wearing considerable amount of armor and carrying threatening weapons, as if they bathed themselves with fire everyday. ORC1 and ORC2. Designate targets.

"Where are you, you rotting human?" ORC1 called out vocally. It appears he was searching for HUMAN1. Threat level: mediocre. His skin was thick and green, like the watermelon. His beard was dirty, possibly uncleaned since birth. His eyes, they lacked the spirit of the humans. Bare strength was displayed, however possibly, from the size of their muscular system. ORC2 was essentially the same as ORC1, except he had gray skin, but always as thick and bulging as the muscles grew outwards.

I was told to initiate CQC, but I would not reach them in time, having to free myself from my latches. Finally, I was ordered by AI to launch RF. RF stood for Rocket Flare.

The flare emerged from my body, through a tiny compartment from my back, adjusting carefully, computing angles and igniting it afterward. It rocketed towards them at lightning speed, leaving behind a trail of smoke that dissipated within milliseconds as to not reveal my location if I were to become stealthy. The noisy ORC1 was the target, and ORC2 stood within the explosion radius. It would have reached them in T less than 1 second.

ORC1's armor shattered upon being hit by the impact, revealing its immediate brittleness. The explosion ruptured his epidermal covering and tore open his muscles before releasing the contained heat source inside, boiling his blood and charring bone and soft tissue. His green skin was now black. The explosion spread over towards ORC2, blinding his eyes and knocking him away into a steel rod exposed from the walls. The rod penetrated his armor and body, refusing to at first, but the shockwave was contained properly and pushed him all the way through. Blood spurted from his now-torn veins. ORC1 and ORC2 were no longer contained in my system, the information was disregarded. Threat level: none.

"Very... good." HUMAN1 acknowledged, rasping. His breaths had become shorter and faster. Vital signs continue to decline, reaching ten percent. My primary objective was about to fail. Initiate medical procedures.

Analyze. Unable to comply. Self-destruct sequence activated. T set to 30 seconds. Primary objective failing. Secondary objective, successful.

HUMAN1 realized this fact as well. He could do nothing to save his life. His injuries were grave and could no longer be salvaged. He went closer. Closer. Blood dragged from where he first lay towards my metal body.

Self-destruct sequence counting down. T set to 20 seconds. In twenty seconds, I would explode my infinite power source, erupting in a massive fissure that would completely eradicate any evidence or usable part of my being.

"I will not... die in vain. Live, [UNKNOWN TERM]. Live!" HUMAN1 screamed in agony. His wrench had been dropped, covered in dark, drying blood from one end to the letters "ROSH".

T set to 10 seconds. UNKNOWN TERM was detected from HUMAN1, processing. Unable to process.

T set to 5 seconds. 4. 3. 2. Self-destruct sequence canceled, primary objective, updated.

Primary Objective: Preserve the vital signs of HUMAN2 at all costs. Eliminate all perceived threats to HUMAN2. Self-destruct upon failure.
Secondary Objective #1: Preserve AI and ENG1 at all costs. Self-destruct upon modification.

HUMAN1 no longer exists. Vital signs, negative. Deleting information.

Processing complete. T set to 0 seconds. System reboot completed. System functionality complete. RATTLETRAP mission, activated.

UNKNOWN TERM defined as RATTLETRAP. Recalling memory information. Processing. Replaying information. Beginning.

"You're sure about that, son?" HUMAN1 inquired.

"Yes, father, I want to call him RATTLETRAP." HUMAN2 said happily, with a smile. His brown eyes, ever-sparkling.

Information replayed. Processing RATTLETRAP mission objectives. Acknowledged.

A final explosion occurred, crushing me with no chance of escape. The walls finally caved in, snapping the steel rods that once held them upright. Glass shattered and debris surrounded me. I watched my HUD dim, with no manner of performing my new objectives. My mobility was severely inhibited due to the weight, and all I could hear with my "ears" were the screams of a young boy, no more than a decade old, echoing in my memory chip, for as long as I can remember.

KENOSES.

OPERATION: RATTLETRAP has begun.
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Last edited by Melderv; 05-05-2011 at 06:22 AM.
Old 10-30-2010, 05:17 AM   #2
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Default Synopsis/Updates


SYNOPSIS

When Rattletrap is discovered nine years after the incident that killed his creator, he only has one primary objective: to find his creator's son and protect him at all costs. However, when things escalate to murder, theft, and espionage among factions, Rattletrap discovers that there is more to this world than what his programming allows him to perceive. Will the Clockwerk Goblin force his way out of the codes that bind him and be able to reveal what truly matters the most? This is his story.
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Last edited by Melderv; 04-20-2011 at 03:27 PM.
Old 10-30-2010, 06:43 AM   #3
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Reminds me of my Existence fanfic, although i gotta say that this is about 8x as interesting. I can smell a glimpse of the ending (<--note that smell and glimpse don't match).

The fact that it is in first person and ambigue makes it interesting.

Well, I know you don't like positive comments so let's start with the constructive ones...can't say anything at the moment since it is just a prologue. Hm, what about detailing his environment more? I couldn't quite picture where he was.

Color aesthetics would be cool, just don't go overboard to the point that our eyes hurt from too many colors.

That's all for now, keep up ze good work.
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Old 10-30-2010, 06:54 AM   #4
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
Reminds me of my Existence fanfic, although i gotta say that this is about 8x as interesting. I can smell a glimpse of the ending (<--note that smell and glimpse don't match).

The fact that it is in first person and ambigue makes it interesting.

Well, I know you don't like positive comments so let's start with the constructive ones...can't say anything at the moment since it is just a prologue. Hm, what about detailing his environment more? I couldn't quite picture where he was.

Color aesthetics would be cool, just don't go overboard to the point that our eyes hurt from too many colors.

That's all for now, keep up ze good work.
One of the only reasons why I didn't detail the environment very well is that Rattletrap himself does not have an idea of where he is. The only sentence that would give an idea of what the area looks like is: An explosion rose from the rear of the laboratory and shook the earth.

From there, you can imagine any laboratory-looking place, with lots of mechanical gadgets. HUMAN1 is likely to be a scientist-mechanic and HUMAN2 is his small son, less than 10 years old judging from the description. Rattletrap might be positioned in a stationary area where he couldn't move much for modifications.

The description for the area will be present when Rattletrap himself takes a look at it further on.

I'm not going to put many colors aside from using bold and italics. That's pretty much it.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:02 AM   #5
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

^
I was actually imagining a Dexter's Laboratory kind of place because there wasn't really a description of the area. As for Rattletrap, I imagined that he was strapped to a Halo-esque kind of skeletal-holding structure.

As for the explosion from the rear part, I was confused. Didn't exactly know where the rear of the laboratory was.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:18 AM   #6
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
^
I was actually imagining a Dexter's Laboratory kind of place because there wasn't really a description of the area. As for Rattletrap, I imagined that he was strapped to a Halo-esque kind of skeletal-holding structure.

As for the explosion from the rear part, I was confused. Didn't exactly know where the rear of the laboratory was.
What's good about it is that you already know how Rattletrap looks like. And yes, it's somewhat similar to that.

The rear part of the laboratory was where Rattletrap was facing. He could have aimed the Rocket Flare towards there. You can imagine it however you want it, no real problem with that.

I'm in the process of inventing Chapter 1.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:32 AM   #7
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Ah! Okay, I just realized a suggestion that I could make.

The ending of the prologue lacked explosion. I mean, it HAS an explosion but it lacked...a killer punchline that makes you want to read the first chapter right away whilst thinking "damn that ending is etched in my brain". Something "The Sixth Sense"-ish. It was definitely a cliffhanger kind of ending but it didn't give me a heart attack from epicness. This is all in my opinion.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:39 AM   #8
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

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Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
Ah! Okay, I just realized a suggestion that I could make.

The ending of the prologue lacked explosion. I mean, it HAS an explosion but it lacked...a killer punchline that makes you want to read the first chapter right away whilst thinking "damn that ending is etched in my brain". Something "The Sixth Sense"-ish. It was definitely a cliffhanger kind of ending but it didn't give me a heart attack from epicness. This is all in my opinion.
I understand. It all means nothing to a DotA player, because you'd know what his name would be. Before HUMAN1 died, I wanted readers to get a sense of the importance of his name, which is why I mentioned it last.

I didn't want to shock anyone that soon. I tried to keep things interesting by detailing out how he functions and making them wonder what he's going to do with his new man-made life.

EDIT: I added something to the ending to make things a little more clearer. It would not make the impact you're looking for,but it might make you want to keep reading.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:45 AM   #9
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

^
Actually, I was referring to the literal last line "A final explosion occurred, crushing Rattletrap with no chance of escape." I thought that line didn't have a hook as usual chapter-ending lines do.

The origin of his name was perfect, by the way. It had a dramatical origin so it has meaning.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:48 AM   #10
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
^
Actually, I was referring to the literal last line "A final explosion occurred, crushing Rattletrap with no chance of escape." I thought that line didn't have a hook as usual chapter-ending lines do.

The origin of his name was perfect, by the way. It had a dramatical origin so it has meaning.
Oh, that one. Yeah, I added something to that like I mentioned. Thanks for noting that the ending didn't deliver much.

Writing Chapter 1 now, I really have no idea of what Boush and Gondar were doing there looking for the concept of Rattletrap. I still haven't detailed who they work for, and why someone would be looking for the Rattletrap as well.

You can see that I start it out with no mention of HUMAN2 anymore. I wonder where he could be as well.
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:52 AM   #11
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Nice new ending, it has that hook that makes you think "what's gonna happen to them now?"
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Old 10-30-2010, 07:57 AM   #12
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

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Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
Nice new ending, it has that hook that makes you think "what's gonna happen to them now?"
Haha, if only it were that easy to do. I read the first page of your Existence thread and it was smart. The plot was, but would ever get to reorganizing it? Put everything in the first post for easier navigation or something like that?

That way, reader wouldn't have to skim through comments and go straight to the story. I don't like links, they take time to load.
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Old 10-30-2010, 08:15 AM   #13
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

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Originally Posted by Melderv View Post
Haha, if only it were that easy to do. I read the first page of your Existence thread and it was smart. The plot was, but would ever get to reorganizing it? Put everything in the first post for easier navigation or something like that?

That way, reader wouldn't have to skim through comments and go straight to the story. I don't like links, they take time to load.
Possible possible. I'd prefer not to, though, for two reasons.

1. I don't know how the codes in PD work that well so I don't know how to turn the chapters into little, hidable tabs. If someone taught me, sure I'd give it a try.

2. As this is a forum, there are many comments: positive feedback, negative feedback, chats, random funny posts related to the story, constructive criticism, etc. I feel that skipping through the comments is, in a way, skipping through parts of the story. To me, the comments help shape the story, help readers understand the story, and are, in a sense, part of the story. I appreciate every single comment that I get on my thread and I read every comment on other threads because it gives the "a story in the making" feeling. Comments are what makes us a forum and what gives this forum a unique story-reading experience. Of course, this is all IMHO.

I know some people don't feel the same way, so sure I'll post all the chapters on the first page and post it regularly to keep the PD FF & Lit spirit alive. Thanks for the idea, Melderv!
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Old 10-30-2010, 08:30 AM   #14
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Quote:
Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
Possible possible. I'd prefer not to, though, for two reasons.

1. I don't know how the codes in PD work that well so I don't know how to turn the chapters into little, hidable tabs. If someone taught me, sure I'd give it a try.

2. As this is a forum, there are many comments: positive feedback, negative feedback, chats, random funny posts related to the story, constructive criticism, etc. I feel that skipping through the comments is, in a way, skipping through parts of the story. To me, the comments help shape the story, help readers understand the story, and are, in a sense, part of the story. I appreciate every single comment that I get on my thread and I read every comment on other threads because it gives the "a story in the making" feeling. Comments are what makes us a forum and what gives this forum a unique story-reading experience. Of course, this is all IMHO.

I know some people don't feel the same way, so sure I'll post all the chapters on the first page and post it regularly to keep the PD FF & Lit spirit alive. Thanks for the idea, Melderv!
I actually had a hard time learning it. I didn't want to encase them in spoiler tags, so learning how to do it was part of the inspiration before I did my story.

[.tab]PROLOGUE|CHAPTER 1

Stuff in Prologue.

{|} Stuff in Chapter 1.[/.tab]

The | would separate the tabs. And {|} would mean posting in the new tab. I tried figuring all this out a while ago. Just remove the "." from the tab BB codes. You can quote my OP to see how it works.

I'd written something juicy for the dialogue in Chapter 1/Memory Chip #1. I guess it details what's going to happen in the next few chapters. If I was interested in a story, I'd read through all the comments, too. It's interesting for me as well. It's just that people can read through the comments and have the convenience of organization as well.
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Old 10-30-2010, 08:36 AM   #15
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

^
Looks complicated
Can you show me like a before and after kind of thing

Like show me the codes in raw form and then show me the aftereffect
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Old 10-30-2010, 08:37 AM   #16
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

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Originally Posted by Luckyisthename View Post
^
Looks complicated
Can you show me like a before and after kind of thing

Like show me the codes in raw form and then show me the aftereffect
HTML Code:
[tab]PROLOGUE|CHAPTER 1|CHAPTER 2
Prologue stuff.
{|} Chapter 1 stuff.
{|} Chapter 2 stuff.[/tab]

Prologue stuff.


| separates tabs. {|} tells when you're writing for the next tab.
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Last edited by Melderv; 11-04-2010 at 06:13 AM.
Old 10-30-2010, 08:40 AM   #17
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

Now I get it, thanks. Will try it now.
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Old 10-30-2010, 10:08 AM   #18
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

My EYES! Wall of TEXT. MY POOR EYES!
Nah, ill read the other chapter next time
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Old 10-30-2010, 10:14 AM   #19
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

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My EYES! Wall of TEXT. MY POOR EYES!
Nah, ill read the other chapter next time
Hey, it's a fan fiction. Haha.
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Old 10-30-2010, 10:30 AM   #20
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Default re: Operation: Rattletrap

^Actually, might I suggest you change the text font or size? It's just a bit small to read comfortably, at least for me.
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