[RESULTS] Epics and Legends Writing Battle V

[Kriegskanzler]

Congratulations on WongKI for the splendid victory.

To the moderator, please do PM Cp6uja_ about this, stating in that PM the winner of this contest, including the link to the winner's profile page. Also, please be so kind as to inform Cp6 that this competition is now over, and he may remove the ELWBV announcement already.

Once again, my sincerest congratulations to the winner of this contest, as well as to all the participants. This contest was once again a success, a success that made all the preparations worthwhile.

Power to the Pen; power to the Guild.

[-AvA-]

@Krieg
Cp6uja_ has already been informed.

[Kriegskanzler]

Very well then. Just checking.

Once again, very well done for the victor.

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

After going through the judges' remarks, I realized how the entire crossover thing ruined the story itself (at first I thought that it was slightly bad and can probably go just fine but further complications appeared later on). I thought that I broke the fourth wall when I made references about warcraft (hence some puns that went with it) but I guess those were not enough and is very insubstantial to the theme.
The fact that they don't have their weapons but Rylai has a staff is not an inconsistency though. I was trying too hard with Fridge Brilliance. All Indigo Tribesmen will have a staff as soon as they become members of their corps so technically, that wasn't her staff. Then again, such fact is only present in the Green Lantern story and I haven't justified it in my own story (). I also tried to hard to include a big part of the story by sacrificing too much substance.

Anyway, I wish that everyone had fun reading my entry and I hope that the jokes got you into stitches (all lame puns intended).
By the way, can anyone draw Rylai the way I imagined her to be?

[SteelKiwi]

^I'd like to see that as well.

[Shadow Fury]

Kewl! Gratz wong! A medal already!

[The Observer]

This story was very close to breaking the fourth wall, but unfortunately I believe that it does not. The bartender accepts his fictionality as an NPC of a video game, a video game inside your entry's world; he does not accept his fictionality
as a character for a piece of literature. The display of unrequited love was excellent, though. Phew, this was difficult to judge.

And I suddenly realized something, I disagree.

Well for one reason, the examples given by -AvA- broke the walls inside the "game" that was made, and well, that metal gear solid part, otacon was still talking with snake, though it was addressed to the player. simply put, they are talking to each other and not with the player if "breaking the fourth wall" is deeply concerned. for one, otacon never did once said that "you" as a player is someone else, you are still "snake". though it's not relevant to anything, he is still addressing snake to do what you, the player, should do.

Also, one more thing, the story was first person as others have said, meaning "you" are the bartender, which means "you" are in the fictional world of my piece of literature. "you" are inside the game, which is inside the piece of literature that I have written.

"you" are inside a place that's inside another one if we'll follow your explanation.

so that means, "you" are the bartender, who just realized he is not real. no, "you" did not realize that "you"are an "NPC" actually. "you" are confused as to what it meant, but what "you" realized about "yourself" is different. "you" still thought that "you're" alive, but was imaginary. "you" think of "yourself" as something made up by "your" own, meaning to say an illusion with "your" own thoughts. A person inside his dream, though "you" are not aware of the term for "you" do not sleep, and "your" data doesn't seem to have the meaning of the word. "you" are a nonexistant being. But if "you" were to think of "yourself" as an NPC, "you" would have said these lines,

Being a glitched NPC inside a game sucks.

which I've deleted. Now, being able to say "Hello, Emily" through "your" will, this would prove that "you" actually think that "you" are not an NPC, rather, an imaginary being inside a game, which "you" still do not realize that "you" are inside one, and the only thing that "you" do realize is that "you" are not real, that "you" are "imaginary".

If you were to think of yourself as an NPC, you would "realize" that you "exist". But no, you were forever imaginary, "you" as the reader, is forever imaginary. That whole world was imaginary in context. None of it is real in your eyes, though you live on. Meaning to say, the wall is deeply broken I should say.

Why? For one, again, as what you have said, "you" are inside a game, which is inside a story. And in actuality, that story seems to be just an imagination of your own. But no, it "is" a game, and you are an NPC. You are an NPC inside my game, not in "your" imagination. You think everything around you is imaginary, but in truth, everything is real.

You know why?

Do you remember Emily? She's an artificially built 3D rendered character model wearing a T8 gear being played by a living human being, such as myself, I think, to lay off of her time talking to an NPC like you in a bar somewhere inside the game. She has sort of a hobby of talking to someone who won't talk back, but rather just nod and listen, like you.

Now, as a human, and after all those years, she's probably dead. I know that hurts, but well, we can't stop human nature, but... Well, I guess "I" have the power to at least make you smile again for once now can I?

Are you ready, Barkeep?

Oh, sorry, I guess it won't hurt reading your cheesy lines again.

Though it's really sad to hear that the only words you can really say are limited to that sad story of yours. I'd like to hear more, but that's the only thing I can put into you. Yes, it's quite sad, thinking that you're imaginary and is alive in a way or another, but in reality, everything you have thought so far, is still written by me.

Yes, you are an NPC, and you cannot change that truth.

You are an NPC, inside my game, and everything that you have read, or rather, have spoken so far is actually your dialog when someone talks to you, like what an NPC normally does.

You are an NPC, that's actually, entertaining himself, and suddenly you realize, "wow" I'm an NPC? I never knew. But you do realize you are an NPC. You know that you are an NPC, you just don't want to believe because you think you "are" the reader of your story. The reader of your own dialogs. You thought the story was just a story for "you" to read, but actually, as an NPC, that's the only dialogue you have in my game. Weird huh?

There, my kind NPC, is how I broke the fourth wall.

TLR

You are actually reading your own dialogs, which you think is not real. As if everything was an imagination. But you cannot change the fact that you are an NPC inside my game, and simply, you're just reading "your" dialog, which I have written. The wall is broken simply because the story suggests that Emily is not real. But as what I have said, its only a story in your dialogue, none of what you have said happened actually. It's purely your dialog, I wrote them and you read them. That's it.

So... the wall... is not broken. <_<

[Kriegskanzler]

And the award is now given to WongKI. Again, congratulations!

[Luckyisthename]

Hello asam, would you like another drink?

No, I'm kidding. Long explanation and here is my justification.

1. Even if the reader is inside your story as the bartender, that does not break the fourth wall and is probably more like "cross dimensional interaction" or POV, the latter being most likely.

2. The problem here is the boundary between real and not real. Even if the game was, say, WoW and that Emily's player is playing WoW, the fact remains that it is not real. Realistic Fiction, but not real. Why is it not real? Because it never happened, making it a story. Emily's player is part of your fictional world, making her fictional, and thus you can not say that she can be a real person playing like you, unless you're saying that you are also a "real person" in your fictional world. Now about Emily's character and the bartender/reader. They exist now in the third world, the game inside the fictional Emily's fictional "real person" player's world. That thus proves that this is a triple world scenario. Now the goal for BT4W is for the fictional world to acknowledge that they are a fictional world within the real world, either by direct contact or indirect contact or just by admitting it. Now here's the problem, the bartender/reader accepts his fictionality as an NPC, therefor proving that the bartender/reader is saying he is fictional in a game world. Remember, fictional in a game world, not a piece of literature that forces the reader into a POV that he fails to realize is a POV.

3. BT4W is, of course, fictional world to real world as stated before. Real world to fictional world is not BT4W. Even writing things as if it were the real world makes it a fictional world the moment it becomes written literature. Example: Reborned in DotA by WABN. The first part of Reborned in DotA takes place in the "real world". Did it really happen? No, thus it is a fictional world.

[The Observer]

Originally Posted by Luckyisthename

Hello asam, would you like another drink?

No, I'm kidding. Long explanation and here is my justification.

2. The problem here is the boundary between real and not real. Even if the game was, say, WoW and that Emily's player is playing WoW, the fact remains that it is not real. Realistic Fiction, but not real. Why is it not real? Because it never happened, making it a story. Emily's player is part of your fictional world, making her fictional, and thus you can not say that she can be a real person playing like you, unless you're saying that you are also a "real person" in your fictional world. Now about Emily's character and the bartender/reader. They exist now in the third world, the game inside the fictional Emily's fictional "real person" player's world. That thus proves that this is a triple world scenario. Now the goal for BT4W is for the fictional world to acknowledge that they are a fictional world within the real world, either by direct contact or indirect contact or just by admitting it. Now here's the problem, the bartender/reader accepts his fictionality as an NPC, therefor proving that the bartender/reader is saying he is fictional in a game world. Remember, fictional in a game world, not a piece of literature that forces the reader into a POV that he fails to realize is a POV.

I'd like more explanation about the difference of "piece of literature" and "a piece of literature, which is about a game".

Because, if we look at it, it "IS" a piece of literature, and is talking about someone realizing that they are inside a game. That he is "imaginary" in his terms. But that doesn't change the fact that they "are" real, but is inside a game, reading his own dialog. Actually, none of what you've said and read was real, since it's your dialog as an NPC. But that doesn't change the fact that you are reading your dialog, and by reading your dialog, you "should" realize that you are not real.

It's like that max payne story if you look at it carefully.

"He reads a letter that seems familiar to him."

And you, as the NPC, is actually reading your dialog, which you have been saying everytime someone reads, or rather, you read your dialog.

But then I realize it is real world entering the game world. That sucks.

And if we'll talk about anything happening in the real world, none of what we've wrote so far have happened. If it did, it means we would have been telling a story about someone else.

[Dzin-Zakk]

In that MGS4 vid Otacon refered to "them think of next" which is a reference to the auditory/developers and thus the real world. In your story, asam, Bartender realizes his fictionality but he never refers to the auditory/author. Emily to whom he refers is another fictional character of the very same story.

It pains me to remeber that it was me who suggested deleting the "Being a glitched NPC inside a game sucks." But! That's not the B4W unless it's referring to the readers ie "You know, I just realized that being a glitched NPC inside a game sucks."

For example in my entry the character addresses the auditory directly, moreover he has his meaning behind that. That's B4W. Your's is simply realizing his fictionality which is not quite the same as B4W.

That example with Max Payne was the wrong example. Max realized his fictionality but he never addressed anyone - it was just his thoughts.

[The Observer]

Originally Posted by Dzin-Zakk

That example with Max Payne was the wrong example. Max realized his fictionality but he never addressed anyone - it was just his thoughts.

mine doesn't address anyone also.

anyway, I did my best, and judge's decisions are final, just giving my thoughts.

[Fate Trap]

Where's the Judges' remarks you guys are talking bout?

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

Here...

Originally Posted by -AvA-

The Reviews:

tanan:

The fourth wall here in PD has been shattered forever!

Ok I'd like to add some more things here but its already 2 in the morning so let me just close this afterword with a picture on how awesome we just broke the fourth wall!

Ratings:

Krieg: 31.5 / 31.5 / 25 / 5 (93%)
Forceflow: 28 / 24.5 / 22.5 / 3.5 (78.5%)
God of Death: 24.5 / 28 / 25 / 3.5 (81%)
The One: 28 / 24.5 / 22.5 / 3 (78%)
Goosty: 24.5 / 24.5 / 10 / 2.5 (61.5%)
asam3: 35 / 35 / 20 / 4.5 (94.5%)
Craxuan: 31.5 / 31.5 / 22.5 / 4 (89.5%)
Dzink: 31.5 / 28 / 20 / 4 (83.5%)
God of Order: 28 / 35 / 22.5 / 3.5 (89%)
Publicenemy#1: 35 / 35 / 17.5 / 4.5 (92%)
wongKI: 35 / 35 / 25 / 5 (100%)
Hex-: 17.5 / 21 / 22.5 / 2.5 (63.5%)

Glory to the Pen, Glory to the Guild!


Fire525:

Prisoners of the Mind
By Kriegskanzler
Theme Cohesiveness: 29
Substance and Depth: 30
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 23
Subjective Impression: 4
Overall: 83.5

What I liked about this entry was that you never actually flat out stated that the world was fictional. You hinted at it and you definitely mind screwed me with that final line, but even then, I couldn’t be sure if the character was just imagining it. I liked that, and I feel you utilised the theme quite well. The subtheme didn’t seem to be that apparent however. The world of your story didn’t really seem ‘off,’ which is what I thought reality defect meant (Such as how the dreams in Inception have weird stuff happening). What might have been cool is if things happened inside the prison that made it more apparent that it was a fictional world.

The story’s plot was pretty good, with decent depth. However, I think Nathan’s personality could have been expanded on a bit, as I think that too much of the information about him came from the very end of the piece.

A few minor spelling errors here and there, and a couple of viewpoint changes (Not sure if this is the correct term, but I mean changes between third and first person), but nothing too major or distracting.

Overall I liked this piece, but I feel a bit too much time was spent on the walking aspect of the piece, which could have been better used to show Nathan’s character.

Redemption
By Forceflow
Theme Cohesiveness: 30
Substance and Depth: 34
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 25
Subjective Impression: 4
Overall: 90

Your entry utilised both the main and sub theme very well. However, I do feel that Akasha’s realisation of who the reader was could have been expanded on a little.

Story wise the entry was good. You were able to show Akasha’s character incredibly well given the amount of words you used, so I’m impressed. I quite liked the story, as it showed another angle of the ‘evil’ hero. The story itself had good depth, with no grammar or spelling mistakes, so I’m giving you good marks in those areas. I really like your version of the TB-AM story, so I liked reading this entry.

Mortal Sin
By God of Death
Theme Cohesiveness: 19
Substance and Depth: 33
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 25
Subjective Impression: 3.5
Overall: 80.5

Okay, first off, I don’t tend to read poetry, so judging your entry was a little difficult for me. Nonetheless, I tried my best, and I found your poem to be quite good. In terms of theme, the first time I read this, I was unsure about how exactly it broke the fourth wall. The second time however, I could see how you had woven certain words into the poem to show how the world of the poem was fictional. However, I couldn’t really see a clear breaking of the fourth wall in the poem, as although a wall was broken through in the, it didn’t seem like the fourth wall. I’m also a little confused about your subtheme, as I don’t really see it utilised in the poem.

Aside from the theme however, the poem was fairly good. It wasn’t really something I would read, but I could appreciate the meaning and depth of the poem. No mistakes that I could see, so full marks there. As I’ve already said, poetry isn’t really something I like, but I still enjoyed reading it. One issue I had with the poem however, was that it was one big slab of text. Obviously poetry is different from narrative writing, but I do feel that the mood of the poem could have been advanced by splitting the poem into smaller stanzas.

Realising the Truth
By -T-tHeOnE-_-
Theme Cohesiveness: 28
Substance and Depth: 29
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 19
Subjective Impression: 3
Overall: 79
Well. In terms of the main theme, you did very well. I think it’s fair to say you broke the wall . I quite liked how you made a common occurrence of DotA (Ganking), seem very epic. The ‘madness’ subtheme felt a little... forced however. It seemed to me as if you had yourself say that line just so you could put that as the subtheme. Your story had some depth, but I do feel things could have been improved upon, particularly that last bit where it’s ‘you’ talking. It just seemed to cut a little short, and I feel you could have added a bit more there.

There were grammar mistakes here and there, but it didn’t really mess up the flow of reading. One thing I did notice however was that you sometimes lapsed into modern English (Like in the line “"Is that all you got, demon?" Furion mocked”). The biggest issue with this is that it does make the piece less believable. I enjoyed reading this, and I look forward to seeing what else you have to offer.

Epilogue
By Goosty
Theme Cohesiveness: 27
Substance and Depth: 34
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 14
Subjective Impression: 5
Overall: 80

You utilised the main theme well, breaking the wall in a very nice way. I can’t really mark your sub theme however, as it’s not really a theme, but is instead a genre. The story itself was great. It had great depth, and the character of Mr Gordon was brilliant, to say the least.

The grammar was what let you down. There were no spelling errors that I could see, but you do need to work on your sentence construction. One other issue was the lack of line breaks. Basically, when two characters are talking, you should have line breaks whenever someone finishes speaking. Just try to work on those things, and you should be okay.

I really liked this piece, and I found the end quite moving. I look forward to seeing what you have to offer in the next competition.

The Bartender
By Asam3
Theme Cohesiveness: 24
Substance and Depth: 32
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 22
Subjective Impression: 4.5
Overall: 82.5

The sub theme was apparent throughout the story, and it was obviously important to the NPC, so I’m giving you good marks for that. The problem is, I don’t really see how the fourth wall is broken in this entry. While the world is obviously fictional (I’m guessing WoW), the wall isn’t really broken, as I don’t see the barrier between Emily and the Bartender as the fourth wall, and therefore, it wasn’t broken.

The story was brilliant for the most part, but I didn’t really like the conversation between Emily and John. It sort of felt a little rushed. Reading it, I came off a little confused, as I wasn’t really sure what was going on, and I had no idea why Emily was reduced to tears so quickly.

Grammar wise there was some issues, and I also felt that the word ‘chug’ was out of place, as it’s slang AFAIK, and interrupted the flow of the sentences.

Overall, the piece itself was great, but I just didn’t feel that it utilised the theme properly. In my opinion, that last line would work better as just ‘Emily,’ but it’s up to you in the end.

Who Are You?
By Craxuan
Theme Cohesiveness: 31
Substance and Depth: 33
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 23
Subjective Impression: 3
Overall: 90

Wow. Marking theme cohesiveness for your entry was hard . I was actually unsure whether or not it did utilise the fourth wall, but after re-reading it, I realised that it did. I think you were a bit too clever for your own good however, as the ambiguity of how you broke the fourth wall also reduced how well the theme was woven into the story. The ‘Mind Screw,’ on the other hand, was obvious, and worked well, so full marks there.

The story was quite interesting, with the air of mystery and suspense helping to push me on. One thing that might have been good is if you had Nex’s influence by the reader more apparent (Not the fact that she’s being influenced, but changing her personality more slowly), as the switch from her actual personality to her reader fuelled personality seemed too sudden.

There were a few very minor issues with grammar, but it was mostly just missing words.

Personally I was incredibly impressed by how you managed to trick the reader, but the story was a bit gory for my taste, and I think that the words you used to describe the butchering of the boy could have been better used to show the changing of Nex’s personality.

Press the Button
By Dzin-Zakk
Theme Cohesiveness: 35
Substance and Depth: 23
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 22
Subjective Impression: 3.5
Overall: 83.5

Now that was interesting. The fact that you not only referenced the reader in the text, but actually made them change the story, is brilliant. The problem is though, you haven’t really fleshed out your characters, and to me it just seemed like a man is beating up a woman for no apparent reason. I think you really needed to spend a bit more time on the characters, as while the concept was cool, the characters let you down. I spotted a few errors here and there, but it looked like mistakes more than anything else. While I really liked the concept of the spoiler, I feel that the story wasn’t as good as it could have been. One issue with the last part is that if the reader did not open the spoiler, it doesn’t really make sense, as he’s accusing them of something they didn’t do.

Naivety and Ignorance
By God of Order
Theme Cohesiveness: 28
Substance and Depth: 27
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 20
Subjective Impression: 3
Overall: 78

This wasn’t a bad piece, but it wasn’t an amazing piece either. The character spoke to the reader and told them his story, as well as making a request of them, so you fulfilled that aspect of the theme, but too me it was a bit vague who exactly he was talking to. The main character was certainly a negative fool. Unfortunately, there didn’t seem to be too much depth to the charactersor the plot, and I feel that the story could have been extended further. A few grammar errors, but one problem I saw was that you switched tenses, from past to present. Just something you should be careful of. The overall plot is a nice idea, but I just feel that it needed to be fleshed out a bit more, as it seems a bit basic.

Rainbow Coalition
By PublicEnemy#1
Theme Cohesiveness: 23
Substance and Depth: 30
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 23
Subjective Impression: 4.5
Overall: 80.5

I lol’d. Seriously, that was a nice story, and I loved BL’s T-DOWN!! And the Twilight reference, and the Balanar meme. I could go on, but I won’t. The problem was though, I didn’t really see how you utilised the theme of breaking the fourth wall. You did it once when Leviathan was raging at you, but it was just a small joke, and it could have been removed without doing anything to the story. The ‘Crossover’ theme was apparent though. No major grammar errors either.

The Reason
By WongKI
Theme Cohesiveness: 32
Substance and Depth: 33
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 23
Subjective Impression: 5
Overall: 93

That was great. Seriously. The way you broke the wall between Icefrog and the heroes (I liked how you did that by the way, Icefrog would seem like a meddling god to the heroes) was cool and the friendship theme was good (That part where Pudge smiles was brilliant). The story itself was great, and the characters seemed very real and lifelike. One aspect I liked was that you showed the Scourge’s cruelty via the shunning of PA and Pudge.

Existence
By Hex-
Theme Cohesiveness: 28
Substance and Depth: 30
Spelling, Grammar and Syntax: 25
Subjective Impression: 3.5
Overall: 86.5

Matrix lol? That was pretty cool, regardless. While you did utilise the main theme, I didn’t really feel that the story was about self discovery. Revelation? Yes, but it wasn’t so much about the main characters personality as about his world. The concept was a little unoriginal, but I think they way you did was pretty good. While I did like this entry, I felt the ending was a bit sudden, as was the sudden change of personality from the virus. I think if the virus had become more evil while he was talking it would have worked better.

Luckyisthename:

Hex-: Existence

Theme Cohesiveness
27/35

You don't disappoint, Hex, you do not.Your story adhedes perfectly to the definition of "Breaking the Fourth Wall", that is undeniable. You used the theme to make an interesting mindfuck that makes you think about the "truth" of reality.
On the other hand, most of the wall breaking was done near the end of the story, a very big chunk of the story was mostly Mindfuck. I thought that the transition into the climax where the breaking was done wasn't that smooth,
it seemed a bit sudden like "hey I see my thoughts...holy shit there's binary code in here!". As for your subtheme, I would have to say that your story was leaning more towards "finding the truth about the world" rather than self discovery, but yes, self discovery was indeed there.

Substance and Depth
29/35

Believable reactions by the main character? Check. Use of imagery, similes, and the like? Check. Plot building up to the climax? Check. Dramatic and understandable climax? Check. Epic twist at the end where the "kidnapper" is actually a computer virus? Check!

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
24/25

Extremely few to none mistakes.

Subjective Impression
5/5

Very Matrix-like, extremely Matrix-like (background story-wise). Funny "coincidence", the title and themes in the story remind me of...

wongKI: The Reason

Theme Cohesiveness
27/35

Good read, good read. Your subtheme of Friendship was well played, especially with that killer last line "I stay and fight for a friend. One for whom smiling is a torture, and smiles for me all the same."
Mortred accepted her fictionality and directly spoke to us, the readers and players of DotA, so BT4W was definitely present. I felt that your subtheme was stronger than the main theme, though. It felt like BT4W was
a subplot.

Substance and Depth
33/35

Beautiful. The odd pairing of Mortred and Pudge was completely unexpected but the way you portrayed their strong bond rocked my foundations and I now have a new look at them. Your ability to describe the surroundings
is astounding, the scenery was vivid in my head throughout the whole entry. The flow of your story was consistent from the first word to the last.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
25/25

Didn't see anything wrong.

Subjective Impression
5/5

A fresh, heartwarming story.

Publicenemy: Rainbow Coalition

Theme Cohesiveness
23/35

Subtle wall breaking, I like it. The wall breaking was weak in the entry, though. Your subtheme of Cross Over completely dominated over BT4W.

Substance and Depth
25/35

Best Twilight reference EVAR; this entry was flat out hilarious. I loved the comedy and the references made in this entry, I busted a gut when Rylai broke the fourth wall and when Balanar complained about
sparkling. As funny as it was, the plot didn't really have much substance and the story could only be understood properly by people with an understanding of what Green Lanterns are. There wasn't a proper conclusion or cliffhanger,
just the start of an action part followed by how television SERIES conclude an episode. Descriptions were quite plain and I couldn't quite imagine how the scenery was like, I had a nice imagine in my head of how Rylai looked like, though.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
18/25

Tense inconsistencies. Inconsistency of how Rylai had a staff and then it was denoted that none of the characters had their weapons. Few other mistakes

Subjective Impression
3/5

Didn't like the Cross Over with Green Lantern but the comedy really got me.

God of Order: Naivety and Ignorance

Theme Cohesiveness
20/35

How unique, a will directly addressed to the reader. Your subtheme is...weird and ambiguous. The protagonist of your entry wasn't really negative, more like regretful and suicidal.

Substance and Depth
20/35

Not too much story or plot; the writing is very simple, too. The entry was like a short biographical narrative directed to the reader as a will. The best part was the poem, it had a lot of meaning
and emotion put into it.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
20/25

Mistakes here and there, not enough to affect reading but they can not be ignored.

Subjective Impression
2/5

Meh...I only liked the poem

Dzink: Press the Button

Theme Cohesiveness
29/35

Splendid! Your subtheme wove together with the theme perfectly, but that's because they're similar in nature. Unfortunately, the subtheme overpowered the theme - the protagonist only broke the fourth wall
because we judged him due to our action of causing the violent portion to occur by pressing the button. In other words, the wall was only (briefly) broken because of our cross-dimension interaction with the story.

Substance and Depth
27/35

Epic mood swing, the emotions of the protagonist were conveyed clearly as he raged about his peace being broken. I could picture the surroundings well but not as vividly as I'd like. Not too much wordplay.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
20/25

Mistakes here and there.

Subjective Impression
5/5

Ah...peaceful music...BEAT THAT B@#%^ DOWN!

Craxuan: Who Are You?

Theme Cohesiveness
15/35

Sigh...a very hard one to judge correctly. The only time that the fourth wall was broken was at the end of the story where Nex realized the readers were "controlling" her through cross-dimensional interaction.
CDI is different from BT4W and was not your subtheme so I can not give you points for it, CDI was the biggest portion of your entry. I can give you points for the Mindfuck, though, as it was one of the key elements of the story.

Substance and Depth
34/35

I thought very highly of this entry. The twist at the end amazed me, the gore thrilled me, the themes put in were well done. Your ability to paint pictures of the things that were done is wonderful and I screamed for more when the little boy
was mutilated like farmstock. The writing style was straightforward but still had moments of "colorful" descriptions entwined with word play, I like that.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
23/25

A few minor errors

Subjective Impression
5/5

And this is why you shouldn't go with strange women, kids. You think you might get "raped" but in reality you will get weird things shoved up your rectum

asam3: The Bartender

Theme Cohesiveness
15/35

This story was very close to breaking the fourth wall, but unfortunately I believe that it does not. The bartender accepts his fictionality as an NPC of a video game, a video game inside your entry's world; he does not accept his fictionality
as a character for a piece of literature. The display of unrequited love was excellent, though. Phew, this was difficult to judge.

Substance and Depth
31/35

The descriptions were top class and the Bartender's sorrow reached me. There were moments of odd wording. This entry was unique as the main character was an NPC, good choice of subject.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
19/25

Mistakes here and there

Subjective Impression
4/5

This was fresh...dawg. I love unrequited love, sadly it doesn't love me.

Goosty: Epilogue

Theme Cohesiveness
12/35

Three subthemes? Is that allowed? Well the drama was done nicely, I didn't feel the suspense, and obviously everything here is fiction. I saw almost no wall breaking. Sure, Mr.Gordon spoke with his creator which is breaking
the fourth wall but the fact remains that his creator is also fictional. What I'm saying is that there is a world within a world. Our world, followed by Mr.Gordon's world, and then the fictional Mr.Gordon's world. Mr.Gordon's world
and the fictional Mr.Gordon's world intersected but the point of this competition's theme is for our world to intersect with the entry's world-Mr.Gordon's world. The only time this happened was when Mr.Gordon indirectly mentioned us, that
his creator-you-was calling him.

Substance and Depth
17/35

As interesting as the topic is, I didn't like the execution. It felt very rushed at the end of the story. The confusion and rage of Mr.Gordon were believable and the other Mr.Gordon's depression was nicely done.
But, how the hell did he get there? I felt a few detail holes. The descriptions were okay but I didn't see anything special.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
7/25

Riddled with mistakes, it affects my ability to read it.

Subjective Impression
2/5

The topic was actually pretty cool but I didn't feel hooked. It is a wall of text, you should break it into chunks of text.

-T-tHeOnE-_-: Realising the Truth

Theme Cohesiveness
20/35

Madness? THIS IS DOTA! The portrayal of your subtheme was off. The portrayal of BT4W was a bit plain, not too comedic either.

Substance and Depth
22/35

Not too much of a story was present. I also felt a lack of conflict. The climax wasn't very climactic. The descriptions were okay and straightforward but emotions and illustration were lacking. The ending
felt rushed.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
23/25

Caught a few

Subjective Impression
2/5

It didn't appeal to me, seemed like just another battle

God of Death: Mortal Sin

Theme COhesiveness
24/35

Agh...head broke...Your subtheme of mortality being a sin was played out through all 99 lines (you should break it into verses), especially near the end where the character gets all melancholy. The wall breaking was weak, it
was definitely there but it felt like that: it was just there. The breaking seemed to emphasize the subtheme, it should be the other way around.

SUbstance and Depth
32/35

Deep. Very deep. So deep that my mind was raped while I tried to understand it. There's a lot of in-between-the-lines moments in the poem. What I loved best was the vocabulary used,
not a moment where I felt a word was repeated too often. I felt that the rhythm of the poem was off at moments. I found it weird that the lines ended at weird midsentence points which breaks the flow.

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
25/25

Didn't see any

Subjective Impression
1/5

It really didn't have a hook that made me feel like reading on. Wall of text, needs to be broken down into verses or it'll feel like a TLR as people try to read it

Forceflow: Redemption

Theme Cohesiveness
35/35

Not much to say about something done correctly. The breaking of the fourth wall and Akasha's reflection synchronized flawlessly as she addressed us about what she thinks of her existence while
venting her steam at us. Forceflow, kudos

Substance and Depth
29/35

The story was a bit confusing, it has a very ambiguous nature. The dramatics used were nice but I felt that there were too many periods.

Too many periods. Exhilirating. The emphasis of the situation. The emphasis of emotion. But. It feels like someone is being an overdramatic drama queen (note the double use of drama) when overused (...and over).

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
24/25

Aha! Misuse of "its"!

Subjective Impression
3/5

Narratives don't go by me well but QP's small autobiography (can it really be called an autobiography?) and her alleged relationship with Terrorblade peaked my interest

Krieg Kanzler: Prisoners of the Mind

Theme Cohesiveness
35/35

This competition's best example for subtle wall breaking, 'nuff said

Substance and Depth
34/35

*looks up synonym for beautiful*

Details were given to the point that I could see what was supposed to be seen but left with room for me to imagine whatever I wanted it to be like.
The scene of suspense near the beginning was masterfully crafted, I could connect with the fear that Nathan felt.
There were moments where I felt that the vocabulary used was odd. "Carotid artery lacerated open". Very...specific words for a mental hospital patient to use when threatening someone.
Don't you think that it would be weird if a mugger sneaked behind you, held a knife to your back and then said "Forfeit all of your medium of exchange or your vertebral column will be serrated by my stiletto"?
As interesting as the plot was, it was a bit predictable

Spelling, grammar, and syntax
25/25

None. How surprising

Subjective Impression
5/5

I love things like these. Shutter Island was an awesome movie

Overall ratings:

wongKI: 94.3%
Krieg Kanzler: 92.7%
Forceflow: 87.5%
Craxuan: 85.5%
Dzink: 82.7%
asam3: 82%
God of Death: 81.2%
Publicenemy#1: 80.5%
Hex-: 78.3%
God of Order: 76.3%
The One: 74.7%
Goosty: 59.8%

[Luckyisthename]

Guys don't repost the results, just link it.

This page is getting very hard to scroll down.

[Hex-]

spoiler works to.

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

Oops, sorry. Edited.

[Kriegskanzler]

^ Now that looks better and neater.

[supersoni]

congrats to the winner. my sincere apologies for not able to submit my story due to unexpected condition i was into.again, my apologies. i hope i'm not banned from the next compt.

[Kriegskanzler]

^ Why would you be banned? You're always welcome here in FF & Lit.