[In-Progress]Hotel Room

[The Observer]

This is intended to be a game, and well, I hope it'll work out well. I was planning of making an E&LWB entry work out like this, but I might just get disqualified, seeing as I'm unsure if the rules would accept this way of writing. Anyway, I hope anyone who gets to waste their time here would have fun.

Everything inside this story/game is made up. Any coincidences that might have occurred in the story to real life is purely “COINCIDENTAL”(God, did I really have to point that out?). Also, English is not my mother tongue, nor am I studying English in a deep way or something, so please, do bear with the grammar and some errors. If you can, please do help me in finding them and changing them to something more suiting and I'll do what I see fit.

Remember: Choose wisely, it might not be finished for now, but soon enough the story will be too long for you to even consider going back or choosing a different path(except if you really want to). No two options are similar at the moment, and I hope it lasts until I'm done with this. Have fun everyone!

Click this link to begin your journey.

Changelog:
04-29-2011 - story started.
05-06-2011 - update.
06-05-2011 - update, making the first part have a "no death" path, not done yet.
06-08-2011 - focusing on one path. If you want to follow the progress, choose the option "What the fuck is happening here?" then "So I woke up in a trashbin..."
03-09-2012 - edited the story with regards to grammar. Some parts have an added twist to them. Fixing the story, seperating options into different posts as how safetybreak suggested.
10-05-2012 - edited some paths, removed the first person point of view parts, is going to continue this.
10-05-2012 - edited the story some more, fixed some grammar.
10-07-2012 - edited some parts. Added a new path. Will edit some of the corny parts soon.
10-11-2012 - added one new path.

[-AvA-]

An interesting (and engagingly interactive) piece of work you got there, Observer.

However, the story ended for me at the start, I'll admit shamefully. Perhaps it could be improve slightly by not always having it as either "proceed or die."

[safetybreak]

Did fanged girl just offered to fuck her?

So, this continues? I'd like to know what will happen to me.

EDIT: nvm, just saw large "In-Progress" in the title.

[The Observer]

Originally Posted by -AvA-

An interesting (and engagingly interactive) piece of work you got there, Observer.

However, the story ended for me at the start, I'll admit shamefully. Perhaps it could be improve slightly by not always having it as either "proceed or die."

I was thinking about that really, I noticed it also. I made this a few weeks ago, while the E&LWB was in progress(that's why the date in the story is april 18).

I just tried to "experiment" a little, and from the start I knew that it was hard to make it work out(because the reader can just choose to open both the spoiler and read the one with a new spoiler inside).

Thank you for reading it, I appreciated the output and would try to add a little "twist" soon. Not just make it turn into a "Proceed or Die" decision(I was starting to make it already, notice the last spoilers, both were positive(in a way), in case you didn't notice. It was the "The more food, the better!" and the "We might let you live").

I wished this turns out well, in some way, at least.

Originally Posted by safetybreak

Did fanged girl just offered to fuck her?

So, this continues? I'd like to know what will happen to me.

EDIT: nvm, just saw large "In-Progress" in the title.

Thank you for reading it also. Yes, she did, and alot would happen to you. The choice now depends on how you choose to read it.

[The Observer]

It was a plain Sunday morning. The light of dawn trespasses into your room, striking clear lines of yellow through the windowpanes, painting the walls with warm stripes of soft light. You, with your eyes cringing from the pain of seeing sunlight, watched as it brightens up your gloomy atmosphere.

"Another night of wasted sleep.” you said to yourself.

Still, you stood up and heads toward the kitchen, no sign of wanting to take a rest, to make a cup of coffee. You sat down, and you notice as the shadow of the newspaper boy passes by the kitchen window. You opened the door for him, and took the papers from his hands.

He was surprised, "New boy." you said to yourself, and closed the door at his face.

You returned to the kitchen, laid the papers down, and filled a mug with hot, steaming coffee. The smell of it filled the kitchen, which energizes you instantly. You sat down in your usual spot at the dining table and started reading the papers. Quite surprised, you find an envelope; inside are two invitation tickets to a newly opened hotel, which has an address from a sender that you’re not familiar with. Curious as to what it’s all about, you read its contents.

It writes,

"Dear Frequent Reader,

Congratulations!

You have just won two tickets, eligible of use for a three days and two nights stay at our newly opened hotel, called "Reader's Hotel", located at 111 Bushnell Ave. Monticello, NY. With these two "free" tickets, you are given rights to many but not all facilities, features, and services the hotel has to offer and be a reserved contestant in our little game, called Springjack. To find out more about everything written in this letter and/or have some of your questions clarified, come by the hotel at April 18. Our lovely receptionist, Lilee, will greet you with open arms and a wide smile.

See you there!"

You look at the calendar, and saw that the date today is April 18th. Without hesitation, seeing as you have nothing to do today, not to mention you don't even have a girl to go out or use the other ticket with, you headed to the said address of the hotel, alone.

Five hours of driving and almost half of your gas tank gone, the hotel became visible in view; thank technology with its GPS. You parked your car a few blocks away from the hotel, took your bag, which only has two pairs of clothing inside, and proceeded to walk towards the hotel. From the entrance, you see that not much is happening inside the hotel, but you're aware that it's packed with only a few rooms left, one which is surely to be yours. There at the main desk, you see a girl, quite around her twenties, pretty young and beautiful, wearing a nametag indicating that her name is Lilee, and that she's the receptionist. You approached her, and handed to her the invitation. She looks at you with her beautiful, blue eyes and then she smiles, expressing her surprising hospitality.

And what a surprise it truly is. You realize that her set of teeth... are a set of fangs.

Quick in thinking, you knew that it was near to impossible for a human to have a set of fangs, so you took a step back, and felt that your way is blocked by a giant of a man. You look at his face, and you noticed as his face twitch. He grinned, only to show you his own set of fangs. You now have no choice; you know you're now trapped inside this hotel. The exit's a few meters away from your position, which makes it quite impossible to run for your life, not to mention you're already in the middle of two fully fanged humans; the harm that they can inflict onto you would be assured if you try to even move an inch away from your current position. The giant man nudged you to move closer to the receptionist, and again, she smiled.

She asks you,

"How may I help you today, kind sir?"

What will you say?

"What the fuck is happening here?"

"I would like to know... What's the meaning of this?"

[Elements-]

Interesting game story. Looking forward to the next part.

[The Observer]

Added little stuff.

Reserved post.

[safetybreak]

Hmmm, where to start...

Plot is getting really interesting and, if played properly, it can really lead into few quite different endings. Also nice touch with princess Amelia, portraying her as renaissance beauty first, and then revealing her real 'face'.

However, there are so many mistakes.

Most important one is inconstancy of tenses. You are randomly switching between present and past. Just read your story a bit more carefully and you will realize what a big mistake this is.

Somewhere near ending tabs from second POV you switch to first POV.

Break few walls of text into more paragraphs.

Past participle of shake is shook, not shaked.

Anyway, this is just in progress, so I guess you are somewhat allowed to have some mistakes, but there is a huge amount of them at the moment. Hope you'll fix them.

An idea I had, which would make your story much easier to follow is to write bigger portions of story, and , when the crossroad comes, you put next part in another post, so with choosing between two choices the reader/player is directed to another post.

This will require some job of reconstructing whole story, and maybe ask one of the forum admins for his approval since there will be a lot of posts. However, it would make story easier to read and write.

Good luck with further progress.

[The Observer]

Originally Posted by safetybreak

Hmmm, where to start...

Plot is getting really interesting and, if played properly, it can really lead into few quite different endings. Also nice touch with princess Amelia, portraying her as renaissance beauty first, and then revealing her real 'face'.

Thank you, but that's just one story. I'll put as why on another reply.

However, there are so many mistakes.

Most important one is inconstancy of tenses. You are randomly switching between present and past. Just read your story a bit more carefully and you will realize what a big mistake this is.

Somewhere near ending tabs from second POV you switch to first POV.

I'm weak with them

Break few walls of text into more paragraphs.

I'll try.

Past participle of shake is shook, not shaked.

Weak with past present future tenses.

Anyway, this is just in progress, so I guess you are somewhat allowed to have some mistakes, but there is a huge amount of them at the moment. Hope you'll fix them.

I would, pretty soon.

An idea I had, which would make your story much easier to follow is to write bigger portions of story, and , when the crossroad comes, you put next part in another post, so with choosing between two choices the reader/player is directed to another post.

Yes, the second part would be choosing a floor. And yes, "ALOT" would happen just by choosing a floor(which, would already happen at one part of the story, I'm just finishing every possible first parts of the story)

This will require some job of reconstructing whole story, and maybe ask one of the forum admins for his approval since there will be a lot of posts. However, it would make story easier to read and write.

I might in the future.

Good luck with further progress.

@reconstruction,

There's already three reserved posts for that. Or do you want me to really cut it down into pieces?

@one part,

Forgot to put this but there's different things happening with different choices. Like that part, he was bitten, but on another, he was not. At that part he met the princess, at another, he did not. Maybe he would, maybe he won't. Maybe the story would run long, maybe it would end that way. I'll put alot of work into it soon(and for now it's real) because I want to see how the stories would go, and how well it would end up, I'm getting exited with my own work, even if it sucks(woah that rhymes).

[safetybreak]

It's quite confusing at the moment. Spoilers are really messy. Don't know, do how you think it's the best, I'm just giving an advice based on my opinion.

I would simply cut the spoilers and write almost a normal story with few choices that lead to another posts. I'd maybe put the choice post stories in spoilers, but that's all.

Keep it clean and simple.

[The Observer]

I'll try and go with that many posts part.

[leMONQUakE]

very nice plot i managed to 'survive' noooo i dun wanna be followed T_T

[The Observer]

Originally Posted by leMONQUakE

very nice plot i managed to 'survive' noooo i dun wanna be followed T_T

I was planning on three ways for the story to end.

Still be a human(meaning the story ends without you being one of them/being under their control)

Be one of them(either literally or just be under their command, like a slave or something)

Be rambo-like(kill every last one of the fanged demonspawns or whatever they are. Take revenge. Vampire, cannibals, whatever)

And it's already shown in the current parts of the story already, you can clearly see what parts would have this ending and what parts would have another type of ending.

[The Observer]

Is going to continue this.

[Captain Planet]

Originally Posted by The Observer

And then there was silence.

OT: So many different storylines you could choose, ach one being totally different. MY MIND, IT HAS BEEN BLOWN D=

[The Observer]

Originally Posted by Captain Planet

OT: So many different storylines you could choose, ach one being totally different. MY MIND, IT HAS BEEN BLOWN D=

I'm editing the current story with regards to grammar.Fixing some scenes(by a little bit) to make it "clearer". Also, I'm currently making it so that there would be parts that are neutral in tone, profane, and somewhat serious.

Would make that "different posts thing later on, after all the scenes are at the elevator.

It might get cut short at some choices, but nonetheless I hope it works out fine.

[The Observer]

The volume of your tone alarmed quite a few people waiting at the elevator. The giant man took a step back, and signaled the other guests waiting at the elevator to stay calm, assuring them that there’s nothing to worry about. The receptionist stares at you for quite some time as you take small steps away from the front desk, backing out towards the door. The elevator opened, and the other guests slowly walked inside. As the elevator door closes, you rushed towards the exit, yet to your surprise, the giant man stand in your way, pushing you towards the receptionist once more. The receptionist, with her sharp, Asian eyes, stares at you. From your response, she laughed, and within seconds, her fangs dig deep in your neck. You passed out even before you can ask for help.

The next morning you woke up beside a trash bin, in a dark alleyway in the middle of New York City. Somehow you forgot how to go back home, or where your home even is. Guess this is where your life ends... or begins...

You stood up, staggering a few times at the attempt. Examining yourself, you see that you’re wearing somewhat bloodied clothing. Severe wounds, mainly stabs, are embedded deep on your neck; probably was done to kill you by severe hemorhhage. Your vision’s still somewhat blurring, but nonetheless, you’re fine. You tried to remember what you were supposedly doing in such a place, and as you dig deep in your pockets you find an envelope with an unknown address. You tried to ask people about the address, but not one wanted entertain your questions, seeing as you’re badly beaten out and bloodied.

The heat of the environment, the busy streets, endlessly flashing neon lighthing, Taylor Swift’s face on a giant screen; Swatch, Gucci, Prada, Burger King, Mcdonalds, KFC, Starbucks shops and advertisements are everywhere. It was driving you mad, literally.

You gave yourself some time to rest, and sat down on the cold pavement infront of a Newspaper stall. You ask the newspaper vendor what time it is. Irritatedly, he answered, “It’s 8:19”. You grabbed one of the newspapers and the date writes April 20th. You suddenly remember the last time that you were still in normal condition was two days ago... and the memories are slowly creeping inside your mind as you try to recall the events that had happened at that day. You felt some sort of connection with the newspaper you hold on your left hand and the envelope on the other.

And it burst; the new newspaper boy with his shocked expression, the tickets to a newly opened hotel, the beautiful receptionist, the mysterious hotel itself... and that’s it. The holes in your neck are still a mystery, and how you turned up here is another. You decided to yourself that you can’t just let this slip past your life and move on, and since you still have an address to that hotel, you made it so that it would be your top priority to go back there and get to the bottom of everything... That is, after you’re able to eat something, earn some money to be able to go there, and have those severe wounds checked up by a doctor.

So you searched for work at the newspaper’s “classified ads” and found a position of ‘Janitor’; that, with amazingly great luck, was for a workplace with the same address written at the envelope you have. It was the hotel’s address, but how you’ll be able to get there’s still the question. You called the number provided by the advertisement; someone answered on the other line, clearly the voice of a young woman.

“Good morning sir, what can I do for you today?”

”So I woke up in a trashbin...”

"See, I found this opening for a job at your hotel..."

[The Observer]

She laughed at your question, and replied,

"The meaning of what, sir?"

"The fangs..."

"This guy behind me."

[The Observer]

"Well, they're made to kill people like you who just think they can get anything for free nowadays."

She charges at you, breaking your neck with her soft, pale hands, and then biting your head off from your body. The giant man behind you throws out your dead body into the disposal bin afterwards.

As the remaining consciousness slips away from your existence, you faintly see two aged hands ruffling about inside the trashcan, picking your head up, and afterwards, everything turned black.

Sounds of water boiling and dripping echoes through your ears as you slowly try to open your eyes once more. Test tubes, beakers, and assorted apparatuses used in chemistry fills your atmosphere. Groggy as you are, you tried to stand up, only to see that your wrists and ankles are belted shut onto a chair.

You wondered to yourself, "I should have been dead, so why am I here? What happened exactly?"

And as you ask yourself, the door opens; an old lady in a white robe with a aluminum tray appears. On it lies different sets of needles and scalpels. She comes close to you, and points a flashlight onto your eyes. She sighs.

"Why don't you say something? I thought you're still dead."

You cleared your dry throat for some time, until she noticed and gave you a glass of water. You regurgitated most of it, and some spilled through the slits on your neck. As soon as you noticed it, you panicked, struggling to be free from the belt straps tied around your wrists. The old lady calmly places her cold, aged hands onto your shoulders and says,

"Relax, you're still under operation, so you're in bad shape. Don't worry, after a few days it'll heal, that's how fast the venom would course around your body"

Operation? Venom? These words circle around your head, wondering what they mean. You suddenly remembered having your head removed from your body and then being thrown into the trash can afterwards; yet why are you here? Alive and breathing?

The old lady chuckled, and whispered,

"Heh, this always happens with new recruits. Why won't they just relax and be thankful that they're one of us now?"

She left the room afterwards.

Feeling the sense of fear and being drowned in the continuous sound of boiling and dripping water, you kept steady, restless for hours, waiting for the old lady's return.

You fall into a deep slumber.

A cold touch in your chest wakes you up; a Stethoscope. You slowly opened your eyes and you see the old lady sitting infront of you, still wearing the same white robe she did last time.

"Good, you're just in time for the party. We better fix you up."

You cleared your throat, "Party?"

"Yes, the "Springjack" celebration, you wouldn't want to miss that now, do you?"

"Yes, Sprinjack... What's it about anyway?" you asked.

"Well, you'll just have to see for yourself!" says the old lady as she hands you a coat.

"Wear it, it's a perfect fit."

To your surprise, it is an exact fit, like it was tailored only to be worn by you. The old lady assisted you towards a mirror; and you notice slight changes with your features as you look at it, such as the Frankenstein like scar around your neck, and the noticeable weight loss you had. You're also quite pale, and your hair, it wasn't that long before.

"Aftereffects of rebirth." The old lady said as you ruffle with your hair.

"So, shall we go now? The pants are in the bathroom. If you want, you can take a bath first before going to the party, it's been three days since I took you in, so doing so doesn't really sound like a bad idea. And you should hurry up, I bet that stomach of yours is grumbling like crazy."

"She's right, I'm starving like a mad dog. I better do as she says; ask questions later. What's with this rebirth and venom and stuff anyways? What are they? Vampires? Everything around me's like a bad remake of "Twilight"; and I'm Kristen Stewart being saved by some old lady. This must be a dream... A really shitty one!" You thought to yourself as you took a bath.

You checked yourself in the mirror again, this time, you look quite well. You also noticed that your body isn't actually out of shape, in fact, it's quite well-built unlike before. Muscular for that matter.

"Heh, being a Vampire does has its upsides" you thought to yourself.

You wore the pants and the coat and proceeded to go out of the room. To your surprise, Lilee's there, waiting for you.

"What took you so long?"

You are out of words.

"Here, carry my bag and be a good boy, you wouldn't want me to do the same thing I did to you last time, right?"

You nodded.

"Good."

She lead you to where the party was, and as you draw closer; the music gets louder, heavier in a sense that it's almost hard to move from the pressure. You weren't really a fan of clubbing in the first place.

"What's wrong?" Asked Lilee.

"I don't fancy these types of parties."

"Don't worry, the music's about to end soon. The master's about to appear." Lilee said.

[The Observer]

"He's there to prevent you from leaving. Surely, we wouldn't want our "special" customers to leave so soon, wouldn't we?"

The giant man nudged you again, this time it was harder. Then the receptionist, with her devilish smile, asked you,

"So... what can I do for you today?"

"Tell me something about those fangs of yours."

"Tell 'fatso' here to move, I have the right to ask you to do so, based on what the ticket says."