[JUDGING] Epics and Legends Writing Battle X

[badmafa]

Originally Posted by God of Death

The scheme of things is only as grand as you make it out to be.

I don't mean to badmouth the competition. I took part and I took my submission seriously, but it's an Internet forum. There's no money and it's for all intents and purposes anonymous. I hope most people have more going on in their lives than just what happens on PlayDotA.

[TheBig(D)]

Title:The Rise of Rattletrap
Number of Words:2021

Malar.The charming,modern capital city of Malaris,homeland of the Engineerants,a race that has surpassed all other races in the field of technology.Many wonderful inventions was created here.Every members of this race is no doubt skillful with their art.No,not everyone.There was one single exception.This exception is the reason,the cause of Malaris’ complete destruction.Let me tell you the story
His name was Alkamar.He was born and raised in a family with talented parents,just like many other Engineerant kids.He was first taught the art of engineering on his 16th birthday.The young boy picked up the basics very quickly.It only took him 4 months to obtain all knowledges there is about engineering,which was considerably faster than other kids his age.His parents was very proud of their son.Then,he entered the 2nd stage,where he actually gets to practice what he’s learned.Unfortunately for Alkamar,despite possesing impressive intelligence,he was extremely clumsy when it comes to handling tools.He tried very hard to improve,to actually create something on his own.But to no avail,all his attempts just failed miserably.All his friends have begun their work as true Engineerants and poor Alkamar was still struggling with his clumsiness until the age of 27.They started laughing at him whenever they saw him. To add insult to injury,his family’s neighbor also began to mock Alkamar’s inability to build.His parents couldn’t bear the shame for very long.After his younger brother,Kalemar,was born,his parents disowned him.It was a true shock for Alkamar.Before leaving his home,he vowed to one day create the most magnificent,sophisticated creation his race can ever imagine
After being disowned,he came to live at Shalam District,the darkest,poorest place in the city.Alkamar had no intention of giving up.He tried his very best to make use of his intelligence.His thirst for acknowledgement kept him going.Day by day,experiment after experiment.Just failures after failures.He began to lose hope,belief,happiness.Something new appeared in his heart.Something he has never known before.Darkness and hatred
On his 40th birthday,Alkamar received a visit,a visit that changed his entire race’s fate.
Alkamar had a “birthday routine” after he got disowned.First thing in the morning he would make an attempt to invent something and fail,again.At noon he would buy some cheap liquor and food with the limited amount of money earned from selling his old books.At night,he would sadly sing a couple of songs after he gets drunk and then falls asleep.His 40th birthday was no exception.He fell asleep after singing.Suddenly,he had a dream
“Alkamar,turn around and look at me” Said the stranger with a low,scary voice
“Who the heck are you to appear in my dream…Oh my..” He turned around to confront the stranger
Staring at him with three large red eyes was a mass of darkness without any definite form
“No need to be scared,my dear Alkamar.I mean you no harm” Said the mass of darkness,followed by a diabolical laughter
“What are you?How do you know who I am?” Alkamar replied with visible fear
“My naive Engineerant,I know a lot of things,including your..uhm..misfortune.I’m Shavala,one of the leaders of the Dire.I’ve come to offer you a deal”
“The Dire?The avatar of Death and Darkness itself?What is this all about?”

“Straight to the point,I like that.You must know that your people favour the Radiant instead of us and have supported them with various weapons and technology,right?”

“Yes I know that.But what does it have to do with me?”

“Oh,it has everything to do with you.You see,we can’t have your people supporting our enemies.We’ve been looking for a…talented individual to help us bring about the destruction of Malaris..for good.And here you are”

“Haha very funny,Dire lord.Why would I help you to eradicate my people?And I’m not even…talented.Just let me wake up from this dream”

“Oh come now,Alkamar.Have you forgotten why you are living in Shalam district?Have you forgotten all the misery you suffered just because you are terrible with tools?Don’t you want revenge on all those who neglected you and tossed you out?Don’t lie to me.I can see the darkness and hatred inside your heart.You can’t deny it.Turn around and see for yourself”
Alkamar slowly turned around.And there it was.His materialized hatred.An exact replica of himself but with pale white skin and red eyes.It smiled at him

“Fair enough.What would you have me do,mighty Shavala?”

“You have made a wise decision,Alkamar.Tomorrow you will wake up,being able to invent and create.I want you to build me this.I’ll provide you with some gold as well.Go find some private space.When the time comes,we will make our move.Farewell…for now”
And right when Shavala finished saying,Alkamar woke up from his sleep.He found himself holding a blueprint and a bag of gold coins.Determined to have his revenge,he carried out Shavala’s order…
Three weeks later
Inside a house located in Kole District,the district occupied by only wealthy Engineerants
“I can’t believe it.I’ve created something at last” Alkamar thought while looking at his work-a robot,obviously overjoyed
“Now,for the final touch and it should be ready.This wasn’t part of Shavala’s blueprint but it will make this creation flawless” Alkamar said while cutting himself with a knife.The blood dropped in the hole in the robot’s chest
Suddenly,the robot stood up,opened his eyes slowly

“It’s alive!It’s alive!” Alkamar shouted so loud that the heavy rain outside seemed insignificant compared to his voice
After a while,the robot looked straight at Alkamar,asking: “Who..am..I?Who are you?”
Alkamar did some thinking and answered:”You are my son,uhm…Clockwerk Goblin.I’m your father”
“Fa..ther?”

“Yes.Father.I gave birth to you.You love me and will do anything for me.Remember son?”

“Father!” Clockwerk Goblin shouted with excitement and hugged Alkamar
One month later

“Stay home and be good,Goblin.Father’s going out now”
“Can I come with you,father?Please.I want to see the outside world”
“How many times do I have to tell you,Goblin?The outside world is dangerous.You are safe here inside your house.Listen to your father”
“But father.You never took me out with you…”
“This is not a discussion,son.One day I will take you out with me,I promise.Goodbye”
“OK,father.Goodbye”
After Alkamar had left,Clockwerk Goblin unveiled a secret passage he had been working on for two weeks.Ah yes,the blood drops of Alkamar gave Goblin every properties of an Engineerant:curious and resourceful
“So father thinks he can keep me locked up in this house?He was wrong.Today I shall go out and explore the world for the first time.He won’t know a thing”
And so Clockwerk Goblin entered the passage.He appeared again in the Techno Forest,a beautiful and charming forest.Not many Engineerants come here though
“This is how the world looks like,huh?Man,I should’ve sneaked off earlier…” Goblin thought as he touched a tree
“Shiny thingy!” A strange and clear voice came from behind Goblin
Clockwerk Goblin turned around to see something he’s never seen before:a little girl,around 10 years old
“What’s your name,shiny thingy?” asked the the little girl
“Uhm it’s Clockwerk Goblin.What’s yours?”
“Your name is ugly and not cute.I’m gonna call you Rattletrap(I don’t know how that is cute).I’m Mindy.You wanna play with me,Rattletrap?”
“Rattletrap eh?Not bad.What shall we play,Mindy?”
…..”Thanks for a wonderful afternoon,Mindy.Shall we meet again?”
“Of course we will.I usually come here to play .See you around Rattletrap” Mindy replied with a smile that Rattletrap will never forget
From that day on,they met again many times.It’s the happiest thing for Rattletrap to play with Mindy.He would sneak out of the house anytime Alkamar goes out
One month later

It was Engineerants’ biggest holiday,the Technus Day.Everyone would eat,dance,sing and show off their engineering talent to others.There is no word to describe this holiday
But nobody knew that it would be the last Technus Day in the history of Engineerants…
“Hey,Goblin.Guess what son?Tonight you and I are going out together.You know,a walk to celebrate Technus Day”

“That would be great,father.What are we waiting for?Let’s go” Rattletrap replied,filled with excitement

And so they left the house.They walked for nearly one hour.Alkamar led Rattletrap to the Eastern Gate of Malar.

“Great news,Goblin.I invited some friends.It would be rude to let them stay out there through the night.I need you to help me open this gate.Can you do that for me son?”

“This gate is way too huge,father.Can I do it?” Rattletrap looked at the giant gate wondering

“Give it your best shot son” Alkamar encouraged Rattletrap
Rattletrap tried and to his surprise,he had no problem opening the giant,heavy gate,all by himself

Rattletrap was wondering what kind of friends his father invited.The gate opened,his fate took a very unexpected turn

An army rushed through the gate into the city..They looked mindless and ruthless.They destroyed everything in their path as they advanced.Yes,it is the Dire army.Rattletrap was filled with questions and turned to his father for answers
“Who are these friends,father?Why are they destroying the city?”

“Walk with me and I’ll tell you my tale son” Alkamar replied and started walking.Around them the Dire army continued to wreak havoc and chaos.Houses were burned down,civilians were murdered.It was truly a horrifying scene

“That’s how it happened.Shavala made me an offer I couldn’t turn down.I want my parents,this wretched race to know,to feel my pain with their very body.Don’t blame me son.Even though you’re just a robot,a creation I made to carry out my revenge,I truly loved you..”

“This is…this is wrong,father!I feel sorry for you,but you shouldn’t have…Mindy?”

Rattletrap saw Mindy across the street,kneeling down before a big,fat,bloody creature.Her face was filled with terror.Rattletrap was truly haunted with Mindy’s face at that moment.It followed him till now

“Ahh,fresh meat!Don’t worry,sweet heart.This will only hurt…a lot.”The creature,known as Pudge raised his bloody knife and swinged it down on Mindy.Rattletrap couldn’t bear to watch that scene

“You!I can’t believe I called you father.You helped outsiders destroy your race!I was too naïve to have been fooled by you.I believe Shavala didn’t want you to create me just to open a gate.He wants me too serve him.You are sweet-talking me into doing it.I won’t and I swear it.Goodbye,Alkamar” Rattletrap shouted at Alkamar,sounding extremely angry.He then charged at Pudge and attacked him
Alkamar was shocked.He then continued to walk but he walked aimlessly.Finally when he came to his senses,he realized he was standing before his parents’ house.It was on fire but still regconizable.
“Serves them right” Alkamar whispered to himself
He then went back to Shalam District for one last time.He always hated that place but he lived there for so long that it became something important to him.He noticed something strange at the district’s public letter drawers.In his drawer lied a letter.No one has sent him any letter after he got disowned.He opened the letter and saw his brother’s words

“Hey brother.I hope you are doing well.They said you moved away.If you receive this letter,please come back.Mother,father and I miss you and we’re sorry for not supporting you.Please,come back.Mother and father are very ill and…I don’t think they’re gonna make it”

“What have I done?” Alkamar questioned himself.He cried

“Oh,you have done a good job,Alkamar.You have given me this city.Now the Radiant will lose a considerable supply of weapons.But about the robot,you didn’t please me.Not at all.You altered my blueprint,gave him a mind of his own.Too bad,he would’ve made a fine hero for the Dire.You pathetic imbecile.Shalaomanan Ikamar!” Shavala appeared behind Alkamar out of nowhere and said

As Shavala finished saying,Alkamar felt an unbearable pain in his heart.He crumbled,coughing up blood
“You are not useful to me anymore.Enjoy your afterlife,stupid Engineerant.” Shavala then vanished
“CLOCKWERK GOBLIN!” Alkamar used all the life left in him to call for his creation,his son
In the meanwhile,Rattletrap had defeated Pudge.He heard Alkamar’s scream.He was unsure about whether to go or not.He then decided to go and went towards the direction of the scream.He found Alkamar dying.
“Thanks for coming son…Ugh…I was wrong to have helped the Dire…Ugh…It is too late to undo what I’ve done.Go join the Radiant,son.Help them defeat the Dire.Ugh.Maybe this isn’t so bad.This is the only way I can…ugh…redeem…myself…”

Those were Alkamar’s last words before rejoining with his people
Rattletrap then knew what to do.Using his skills,he had no problem making his way out of the city,through the Dire creeps.After countless days of travelling he had reached the Radiant’s headquarter at last.When the recruiting officer asked him his name,Rattletrap replied confidently

“I’m Rattletrap the Clockwerk Goblin”

A nation was destroyed…
A hero was borned

Finished.Note that English is not my 1st language

[Luckyisthename]

Originally Posted by badmafa

I don't mean to badmouth the competition. I took part and I took my submission seriously, but it's an Internet forum. There's no money and it's for all intents and purposes anonymous. I hope most people have more going on in their lives than just what happens on PlayDotA.

The internet can't be part of someone's "life"? ^^

[badmafa]

Originally Posted by Luckyisthename

The internet can't be part of someone's "life"? ^^

Did I say it couldn't? I said I hope there's more to it than PlayDotA. Going by post count, I probably spend more time here than you do, so I'm not judging anyone for being an Internet junkie.

[God of Death]

Originally Posted by badmafa

I don't mean to badmouth the competition. I took part and I took my submission seriously, but it's an Internet forum. There's no money and it's for all intents and purposes anonymous. I hope most people have more going on in their lives than just what happens on PlayDotA.

Oh no, I didn't mean that.

I meant everything is insignificant in the long run.

It's what you make of it that counts.

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

Update:

• Added link to TheBig(D)'s entry.

[LysanderXonora]

YAY there's Tanan for a judge ^^

[safetybreak]

Originally Posted by TheBig(D)

Alkamar has a “birthday routine” after he got disowned.First thing in the morning he will make a futile attempt to invent something and fail,again.At noon he will buy some cheap liquor and food with the limited amount of money earned from selling his old books.At night,he will sadly sing a couple of songs after he gets drunk and then falls asleep.His 40th birthday was no exception.He fell asleep after singing.Suddenly,he had a dream

I know it's still unfinished, but just a little hint. You did major mistake here by switching to present simple. Rest of your story is in past tense.

Good luck with further polishing.

[Spartangold]

I wanna sign up for this, been a long time since I did any story writing.

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

Update:

• Added Spartangold to the contestants' list.

[The Observer]

Ima try something including sex again.

[Luckyisthename]

Including what now?

[Spartangold]

Just a question, can I include DK in my story? It seems like he is in the hero pool but not used.

[TheBig(D)]

^ You can include him in the story but not write about him since he's not in the pool afaik

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

You can use DK but there should be at least one character from the list that is involved in the story, most preferably as a major one and be given a better focus.

[-AvA-]

DK is included in the list of 46 heroes, but he wasn't used in the competition.

[Fire525]

In which case I'd say he can be used for this competition. I think people may have been a little confused Spartan, but it still might be worth waiting for the go ahead from Public. If he's on the list though, you should be fine (I think people thought you meant he wasn't on the list but was in the original DotA pool).

[PuЪLiㄷEиəℳy#1]

DK is not in the list of the 46 heroes present in the competition's pool.

Originally Posted by IceFrog

The current beta build that the tournament players are using has 46 heroes enabled for CM Mode. There is one less ban for each team. This change to CM is just temporary, until all of the heroes are ready and stable enough to be enabled in it.


Hero List:

1- Earthshaker
2- Clockwerk
3- Morphling
4- Vengeful Spirit
5- Crystal Maiden
6- Lion
7- Pugna
8- Ancient Apparition
9- Lich
10- Weaver
11- Windrunner
12- Shadow Fiend
13- Spectre
14- Enigma
15- Venomancer
16- Doom
17- Witch Doctor
18- Tidehunter
19- Enchantress
20- Puck
21- Chen
22- Lina
23- Storm Spirit
24- Beastmaster
25- Furion
26- Razor
27- Necrolyte
28- Dazzle
29- Nightstalker
30- Sven
31- Leshrac
32- Sniper
33- Tinker
34- Sandking
35- Rhasta
36- Anti Mage
37- Dark Seer
38- Pudge
39- Drow Ranger
40- Slardar
41- Mirana
42- Zeus
43- Tiny
44- Faceless Void
45- Axe
46- Viper

Among the ones in the list, only Axe wasn't used.

[Fire525]

Oh my bad lol. Never mind me then.

[-AvA-]

Are you sure? Check your references.



Ain't this DK?